honkjazz - The Musical Allotment (a story by Blunts & Brazil Banks)

Honkjazz The Musical Allotment - Part 24

2011-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

Right then.

Lots to get through so pay attention, notebooks out, etc.

1) Our lovely plot.

I know that last time I wrote about this the plot had been going through a bit of a rough year. In a nutshell, weather and lethargy meant that it had suffered somewhat. You’ll be happy to hear that things have balanced up a bit. Over the last three months we’ve managed to fill every bed and it’s looking pretty good over there. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. Here’s a quick (not quick at all) rundown of what’s in where:

At the very top of the plot the awkward bit (‘Mullered Fruit Corner’) has finally started to settle down. In the past Bibs would let it go completely wild to the extent that you couldn’t see the raspberry canes and gooseberry bushes in there at all before spending a few weekends clearing it all back and moving everything around a bit so the whole process could start again. The last time this happened the raspberry canes were shifted about which had the effect of DEATH on them. I decided that something needed to be done. Everything was weeded and a small border was put around the lone surviving gooseberry bush. The rest of this paddock was taken up by some winter onions which really should have gone in when I bought them (October) and not when I found them under the front-passenger seat of my car (February). They were sprouting and had a mouldy look about them but I thought “myeh” and chucked them in the ground. This devil may care approach may result in my releasing a plethora of mould spores into the soil that render all future crops completely and utterly useless. Stay tuned, etc.

We’ve turned the back of this bed into a beautiful rockery.

Sorry, we’ve thrown all of the old bricks and any stones of lumps of wood and other cr*p into this corner and put some plant pots nearby.

Each of the five plant pots contains one twig-sized cutting from the gooseberry bush and they’re taking nicely. The cutting back has also given the gooseberry bush a massive lease of life and we’re going to try and manage it a bit more this year. Who knows, maybe we’ll get a berry to eat. Just one would be an improvement on last year. One berry!
Idiots.

There’s also a rhubarb plant which was put in a couple of years ago and happily sits there doing its own thing. Last year we failed to take any rhubarb from this beautiful creature as it rotted down into itself. Another one for the list of shame. We did learn to snap the seed pods off which was very annoying because we thought that this was a sign of a champion plant, stalk rocketing toward the sky at an alarming rate. But no, Bob/John walked over and with a grunted “you don’t want that” just snapped it off at the base. And now we know to do this ourselves.
Hopefully we'll get some rhubrab stalks to eat this year.
Just one would be an impro........

This bed also has the last few bulbs of garlic which were left over from our bumper crop last year dotted around the mouldy onion bed of poison.

The rest of this garlic overspill has been planted in one of the top beds. It’s going really well and I’ve staggered it by three weeks so we won’t get it all at once like we did last year. This bed also has broad beans which have nearly all sprouted and also houses the bay tree which once belonged to the King Of Devon (or something). I had noticed brown spots starting to develop on the bay leaves so I ripped every dodgy one off and all of a sudden there are loads of new buds all over the plant. This gardening lark is very interesting. More on that later.

The bed opposite contains more of those late onions. These ones weren’t going mouldy but were about three months late. They seem quite happy and some of look ace. Because they’d already started to sprout internally the green shoots were trapped in the skin causing a rather amusing concertina effect. There’s also a flat leaf parsley plant in this bed which is looking really healthy. All of the herbs that we planted last year got lost in the gooseberry/raspberry/weed bed so they’ve all been moved to the corner of a different bed and are all thriving now.

Good.

Down one level we have a bed that used to be full of cabbages. Until the frost and the bugs had at them. Six remain. The last survivors. The Dirty (Half) Dozen. Still standing.

And not growing at all beyond their pathetic proportions. They are useless and the new cabbage seeds that went into the ground about a month back have done nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Niente. Cabbages may well be relegated to the Blue Square South of our gardening world, joining carrots, squashes, cauliflower, tomatoes and sweetcorn in the pantheon of things that I can’t grow yet.

Opposite this bed is another late winter-onion bed, all of which are doing pretty well, which also houses a beautiful sage plant and a robust rosemary bush.

Down and over from this is a bed that has contains some radishes, leeks and more herbs. The leeks were planted last summer (along with a full bed opposite) and have probably reached their zenith. We’ll be crunching our way through these as of next week. The radishes are great and I can’t believe that we’ve not grown them before. They show in a matter of days and are great eaten straight from the ground as a mid-work snack. At the front of this bed sit some more re-housed herbs: dill, coriander and something else which escapes me know. All are healthy and happy.

The next one down from here was a bit of nightmare last year. We filled it up with the plugs from work and it was all very random with squashes, chard, herbs and lettuces fighting for attention. In the end we managed to eat most of the lettuces but the rest failed. Well, the squashes produced nothing and the chard was ignored. So that’s a massive fail on our side as well.

This year we’ve put all of the strawberries that have spawned from the five plants that were donated to us a couple of years ago and have been slowly spreading their tentricles across the Belfast sink area at the top of the plot. We dug about fifty of them out and after trimming the dead leaves and creepers planted them safely in their own bed. The corner of this bed housed a knackered raspberry cane which had sprouted up from the arse of thieving bird and was about to get clobbered by me when the lady who runs the local launderette (amusingly nicknamed Bubbles by us although we’ve never called her this to her face because we both know the weary look which would be cast our way due to it not being funny at all, we know this, we do) wandered over and practically ordered me to save it. So I did. It’s got its own paddock now and the roots are bursting through the ground in several places. As long as we get the security aspect right we might even get to eat one berry this year. You hear that? One berry!!

The last two plots continue our experiment in cultures. There’s a potato bed that has been planted out but not with shop-bought seed potatoes, oh no. Instead we’ve chucked some spuds that were knocking around in the bottom of our kitchen veg’ box, looking a bit rough with eyes up, skins withered. They were starting to rot so I’m hoping that this cavalier attitude doesn’t result in me releasing a dreadful plague of potato disease, rendering the land completely poisoned and desolate. Stay tuned!

This bed also has two of the chard plants which were rescued from last years disaster and they seem to be doing quite well. It’s nice to know we’ve got some plants that will come back year after year. We’ll be picking some leaves from one of these soon and hopefully that will only spur it on more as well as being nice to eat.

The last bed was finished last Sunday on a afternoon of glorious sunshine, tea and egg mayonnaise sandwiches (I mean egg mayonaise sandwiches and tea but you knew that right?).

This was the worst of all the beds. Last year it was a mad mixture of cabbages, squashes, brussel sprouts, more cabbages and cauliflower.

All of which failed with the exception of the sprouts. The bed was in chaos and soon became completely overgrown. So yesterday we completed the reinvigoration of the plot and our attitudes by turning this one into a runner bean bed. We’d used the Belfast sinks as seed beds to bring on our stock of beans from two years back along with some from work and they’d nearly all sprouted. Two bean teepees later (complete with some beautiful pig manure from our friends Harry & Sue in the trenches) and the bed is transformed. Hopefully the fact that the bean seeds had started to go mouldy shouldn’t matter too much. Hopefully this caution to the wind attitude won’t end up with a sea of fungus creeping up, around, over and into everything that isn’t fast enough to run.
Hopefully you'll stay tuned, etc.

So everything is in the ground.

And everything might die.

Everywhere........................

The plot looks good now. Last weekend saw the strimmer getting its second ever outing which helped fill the compost bin up nicely. It’ll need another bashing in the next few weeks such is the speed at which the grass and weeds are growing. The shed has had a good clean out as well.

It all coincides with a refreshed outlook only touched upon last time I wrote on here. We’ve started going for walks again, studying the hedgerow larder and edible seashore books that we own and our local greengrocer has started selling our chutneys for us. We’re sorting out our affairs both on the plot and off of it. Evidence onsite is in the tidier, planned out approach to mixed beds, the bordering off of the fruit bushes, relocating unhappy plants and finally casting an eye to security. We’ve always had a fairly laided-back approach to protecting our crops, thinking somehow that its OK to plant enough for ourselves and then some over for the bugs and the birds and the mice.

Well f*ck them!!!
YEAAAAAAH!!!
U-S-A!!!!U-S-A!!!!!

Sorry.

Now we plan to cage and net our berries to within an inch of their fruitful lives.

There’s also a plan to make a polytunnel. In fact I type with fingers covered in mud from a huge sheet of plastic that was being unloaded from a van on the farm where I work. Blow me down with a feather (!) if it’s not old plastic sheeting from a giant polytunnel in the fields. I’ve blagged myself a nice big chunk which will help construct our own bespoke tunnel over the next season or two.

I’m sure that there are a lot more things to talk about……………..

Oh yeah, the pub garden garden and music and how sorry we are for being very wasteful last year.

This will have to be a two-parter.

New Old Business

2011-03-15T05:07:00.001-07:00

It's about time to start rescuing some of our old mixes and chucking them about a bit. You'll be able to download them all from this page. Here's one from the mists of time. It's a look at the wonderful Scottish label Fence Records. Enjoy :D

1) The Pictish Trail - I Don't Know Where To Begin
2) King Creosote - Who Did You Kill On The Way Up?
3) Pip Dylan - Withered Tree
4) HMS Ginafore & King Creosote - No Gesture Is Tender Enough
5) The Earlies - Wayward Song
6) The Pictish Trail - Secret Soundz No.5
7) The Pictish Trail - Connected To Light
8) Jon Hopkins - Wire
9) Pip Dylan - Lazy Boy
10) Rich Amino - You Were Always There
11) Rozi Plain - Cherry Tree
12) Romanhead - Overwintering
13) James Yorkston - Surfsong
14) King Creosote - Locked Together
15) wiQwar - Butterfly Man
16) OLO Worms - I Shot The Shrieff (Down The Tiny Steps remix)
17) FOUND - Let Fidelity Break
18) The Aliens - Rox
19) The Beta Band - Squares
20) Lone Pigeon - Boats
21) Clock feat. King Creosote - Hallelujah My Demise
22) HMS Ginafore & King Creosote - Aurora Boring Alias

honkjazz goes fm on Soundart Radio

2011-03-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

Yes that right... last friday we played our first show on soundart radio.

It's a new frontier for us all and a very positive one at that.

The show is here for you to download and have a listen...

honkjazz on the purple radio...

2011-03-05T10:20:00.001-08:00

Have a look here for part 1 of our latest show on purple radio.

We enjoyed it and hope you will too....

Honkjazz The Musical Allotment - Part 23

2010-12-11T03:12:00.000-08:00

Hello My Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts.

It has been a while since I’ve written anything here and there are a few reasons for that, some pertinent and interesting, others neither.

Gardening is a funny thing and can feed off of your moods and general mental outlook to a huge degree. By this I mean that if you’re in a bit of mental slump because it rains every weekend and you can’t get to your plot then after a while the weeds take over and cycle worsens. The last thing you want to do is tackle your vegetable beds because you can’t see past the weeds and couch grass and thistles. So you stay away and the weeds get higher and the rains keep coming - cyclical slump innit. The crops that you have growing go unnoticed (the greatest crime) and your mood develops in line with nettles and thorns.

So you buy a strimmer.

And then its like Alan Titchmarsh re-making Rambo.

Suddenly you can see everything clearly. Weekend follows weekend, hours and hours of back-breaking work pile up as the weeds hit the compost heap and the earth is turned. A veg' plant scheme at work provides literally hundreds and hundreds of plugs - lettuces, herbs, kale, chard, broccoli, cabbage, moon cauli’, leeks, squashes and pumpkins. Everything is teeming with life and the sun is shining.

And then sun disappears and doesn’t come back. Rain and rain and rain and rain. Any weekend where the weather is favourable coincides with a cold or a bad back and although the weeds are no problem any more you just cannot crack the weather/time combination.

And then its Christmas.

But that’s not quite the whole picture.

As often in life there are hidden sub-plots and character arcs, award nominations for cinematography and on-set romances hitting the front pages of the celebrity gossip magazines that grace every salon and doctors surgery waiting room across the land.

Well, sort of.

Not really.

But there was another distraction and it came in the form of another vegetable garden. An opportunity came our way and we’ve grabbed it. It’s a sensitive situation and I’m not quite sure where it stands at the moment but it’s an interesting development for sure. A friend of ours had taken over a country pub in March and had started a large vegetable garden in the private garden at the back of the pub as soon as he’d moved in. Soon the logistics of balancing the full-time running of a pub/restaurant, looking after two small children and keeping a vegetable plot were made pain and clear. So when we took my folks there for a bite to eat and a pint in springtime the offer was made. We run the garden for a small hourly payment of some pennies and a couple of ales.

And that’s the first way in which Honkjazz branched out this year.

The Dartmoor garden has been a difficult trick to perform because there are politics involved that we don’t have on the homestead. As the boss is a friend of ours we don’t want to take the Michael in terms of payment. Although the garden needed two days of solid hard work to clear the weeds that had sprung up to waist height since the first planting out we couldn’t really do that without causing consternation as our friend probably doesn’t want to be spending a small fortune on hired labour for a veg’ garden that he doesn’t really care that much about. I think that it may have been part of the whole country living ideal thing rather a genuine passion. You know? Just moved into a beautiful thatched pub in the country - we'd better grow our own veg' to complete the picture! So we could only work this land in three or four hour sessions each week and as you all know to break the back of a plot you need to hit it hard for about ten days. Each week we’d wander over and carry on weeding around the potatoes, runner beans, sweet peas, onions, lettuces and cabbages and also try and always leave something new in the ground when we left. We haven’t been there for over a month now and we have a sinking feeling that our friend may have lost interest in paying someone for something that he has to wait a long time for. A self-confessed organic-nihilist (“ I couldn’t care less how my veg is grown”) who is far happier heading to the local Tescoverlord that getting their hands mucky, he’s not responded to my recent texts announcing the arrival of the winter onions. I’m going to turn up there this weekend and see what happens. Gut instinct says its a fail.

This is a project that I really want to work for a few reasons. Firstly, it’s such a beautiful pub in a stunning Dartmoor village location and it’s always such a joy to work on. Secondly, there’s an awful lot of land to use and we’ve been promised half of it for our own use (although I suspect that he may be thinking of that as a form of payment rather than the cash which has been forthcoming so far). The third reason involves the kernel of a business idea which would be based around this garden acting as a portfolio piece.

So its all a bit confusing at the moment. Our own plot has suffered a bit because of this new garden but the balance has been impossible to correct this autumn as the weather has been so dreadful round our way. This weekend should see me get the winter onions in both plots and I’ll also be able to gauge his interest properly.

I’ll be writing our annual appraisal at the weekend so they’ll be photographs included in that but at least you know the whole story now.

Or do you?..........................

Honkjazz has branched out again but in a musical form. We now play records as a trio with the addition of our good friend and excellent purveyor of soulful electronica and downbeat lovelies, Sondek. Get stuck in.

for your latest fix of honkjazz radio shizzle....

2010-08-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

go here right now

http://chewbubblegum.wordpress.com/

Honkjazz The Musical Allotment - Part 22

2010-05-02T00:11:00.000-07:00

Well hello now. Inspired by the insightful and witty comments the last post generated I thought it about time to say hello again and fill you in on some of the news.

Hello.

A lot has been happening what with it being spring and all. It was very hard to resist the lure of the early planting frenzy that some gardeners may give in to but we know what the weather is like in Devon so we waited it out. Just as well as there were a couple of very late frosts here which would have done us no favors.

I'm struggling to remember what went in first (it is very early o a Sunday morning). Let's see - oh yes, well the garlic and winter onions were (and still are) going mad, especially the garlic. We didn't lose that many in the torrential rain at the end of last year so that was lovely. Unlike the broad beans which suffered heavy casualties. Still, we've got about nine pants left and Blunts has planted some more now to give a good staggered crop. I'm not sure that the ones who survived are anywhere near as big as they should be but we'll take what we get and be thankful.

Or else!!!

Nothing really, or else nothing.

Whatever.

Sorry.

So that was that. Bibby's fruit mullered corner had completely over grown and was a disaster. Except for the strawberry plants that we put in the ground. Although we didn't get a single fruit (no netting = fat animals) the plants went fortheth and multiplied. From the original four or fiver plants we got about forty new ones. So we've given away twenty odd and planted the rest into the Belfast sinks. Once we covered them with some of the old window panes they have thrived. Excellet.

The strawberry rescue operation was part of a campaign to reclaim the fruit corner and Bibs has done brilliantly. It's all be dug over and fenced off and once the rubbish fruit plants (raspberry and gooseberry) have been rescued from their battle with the weeds at the fence we'll plant them in the newly transmogrified bed. We've also got some lettuce plants along the fence here. They were being thrown away on the farm where I work so I rescued lots of them and we now have loads of green and red battavia, some Russian red kale, green kale, coriander plants and some other lettuce plants of unknown origin. These have been planted in all of the areas where things had died in the cold and rain so all of the available space is now taken up.

Which is nice.

Talking of herbs there was another freebie going at work in the shape of a box of mixed herb plantlets. I had those as quick as a flash and they now line the inside of the fence in the fruit corner. I can't wait to take some pictures because it's really lovely there now.

Over the last couple of months I've also dug the beds over and filled a couple with pig manure ahead of the potatoes going in (this week). Bibs and I set up a bed for the peas, using the chicken wire fencing from last year. Improvements mean we'll be planting on both sides of the fence instead of just one this time. Blunts has also planted peas on the first fence only. We'll do the second fence in a week or so and the third fence a few weeks after that.

See? A completely different type of staggering is going on at the allotment this year.

We've got to clear the old swede/brussel sprout bed and we'll be putting some cabbages in there. The brussel plants are still in the ground as everyone else seems to have left theirs so we'll follow suit and see what happens.

Lastly would be the runner beans which went in a couple of weeks ago. They've nearly all shot up (helped by a buried trench of pig manure under each row) and are looking lovely. We'll get the cane supports up this week so they've got a frame to hoist themselves around on. They've each been allocated a sponsor so I'll keep you posted on who's bean plant is growing fastest and which one gives the best prizes.

The icing on the muddy cake was a trip to the dump to sling out all of the rubbish and knackered window frames and stuff. That made me very happy indeed!

I'll take some photos once Big Al' has popped over in the week with his petrol strimmer and tidied the place up a bit.

Until then.........

Honkjazz - The Musical Allotment Huzzah!!

2010-01-30T03:50:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovelies. Are you well? Been taking care on that slippy ice? Good.

As you may have seen from the previous post, honkjazz has a new friend. The decision has been taken to sort this dump out a bit! We're planning to slowly move the video player and podcast players over to the new site and hopefully leave this place to handle the allotment side of things. We'll still keep a radio show on a little player here so you can listen to our musical endeavors whilst perusing the gardening stuff at the same time. The links page will change as well in keeping with the overhaul. Festivals (unless they're food ones :D), record shops, record companies, etc will all move over to Chew Bubblegum. Instead we'll link you to farmers markets, fishing hotspots, amazing restaurants, agricultural agencies and excellent farm shops. Kapiche?

Good. We think it will make everything a lot more simple on the eye. We might even use this as a chance to redecorate. Also I've

changed the name of partner in crime No.1 to keep in line with his super-duper DJ career. His name was never Herbert Westchester, that's just ridiculous! He's called Blunts. Potential confusion averted. Lots of changes eh?

Hopefully it will all coincide with a change in fortunes for the plot itself. The weather has been so awful since October that we've not been able to do anything there at all. Even when it has stopped raining for just one day the soil has been so waterlogged that any efforts are useless. The last batch of onions, garlic and broad beans were planted during one of these brief respites from the pluvial onslaught and consequently all have completely failed to sprout from their waterlogged beginnings except the garlic. Strangely this has flourished so thats at least one victory for team Honkjazz. The rain did stop before Christmas. Just in time for a three week freeze which, coupled with the snow that followed rendered the plot inaccessible. The weather has cleared up a bit (although we did have a slight flutter of snow last night) and the rain isn't a constant factor so I'm really hoping to get to the plot tomorrow. There's not really a lot to do there in truth. The last third of the old broccoli

bed has to be dug over and there's some very light weeding to be done on the other beds. I'd like to get some of H&S' amazing pig poo on top of the beds as well. Feed the earth and you shall be fed in return. Or something.

The last twenty or so swede are distributed across three beds so we should be picking those off over the next month or two as we start to plan the next campaign of growing. The very last of the brussel sprouts need to be hoiked out as well.

Then we'll have seven empty beds to play with. This year I'd like to plant more peas as they were one of my favorite successes last summer. The harvest would have been much bigger if Bibby and I hadn't snaffled so many straight from the plants. "Like little vegetable sweets!!" is how Bibby gleefully described them and I couldn't agree more. Runner beans should come back as well after last years absence. We didn't plant them out due to losing the crop of seeds taken from the year before. I swore blind that Bibs had put them in a mixed bean vegematarian casserole or some type of dinner that makes you want to wear sandals and make clothes out of hemp and drive a car powered by the gastric emissions of your children Tao, Cloud and Tweed. This was

when she was still a vegematarian (of fourteen years no less!) and before the magic of living in Devon had sparked the primal urge to kill animals and eat their flesh!!!! (she came home with some delicious black pudding the other day and we celebrated our one year anniversary with bloody rump steaks - result). Anyways, it turned out that I'd put them in the loft out of harms way. So who's the chucklehead now huh?

Oh.

The potatoes have served us well the last two years so I'm guessing that we'll work those again. Perhaps this year we can buy a few less as we ended up with a bit of a glut and its an emotional wrench of a crime to throw homegrown food on the compost heap, one which I'd rather not have to repeat. The tomatoes that I collected from a freecycler were a unanimous failure - possibly due to the complete 100% lack of food that we gave them. Like a high maintenance girlfriend or human child they need food to live! Who knew?

Otherwise there's potential in parsnips, hope for herbs and possibilities for pumpkins. That sounded very Hugh Fearnley-Eatsitall didn't it?

And speaking of the River Cottage lifestyle guru, I'd like to touch on another aspect of this food malarky - foraging.

Two books from the River Cottage lot have really given Bibs and I a push in the direction of free food from the hedgerows and the seashores. One is a cookbook that contains more advice on growing vegetables, keeping livestock, foraging for mushrooms and fishing the rivers, coastlines and seas of our land than it does recipes. The other is a book by John Wright, his advisor in all matters relating to foraging. This one sticks to the beaches and harbors of England and has given us a fully fledged desire to start collecting the edible plants and shellfish that populate the coastlines of Devon and Cornwall. The nearest beach is only a fifteen minute drive away and if we can spend an afternoon splashing around the rock-pools and tidelines and come home with a bucket of prawns, mussels and cockles then we'd be daft to ignore the culinary benefits which couple the mighty pull of the ocean which surely affects all of us on some level. A lumpy sentence but one which expresses exactly how I feel.

So neeer!!

A couple of visits to nearby Brixham have produced a desperate want to start fishing from the beaches and breakwaters as well. Slapton beach is home to some pretty big fishing competitions so I'm hopeful of that as an indicator of an abundant ocean larder. There are many beautiful coastal towns with a harbor wall that we can park up on and there are plenty of rocky beaches that are perfect for a flask of tea, some sandwiches and a spot of mackrel-bashing. So the next of you to visit our neck of the woods c

ould be treated to a homemade AND self-caught fish pie! We're very excited about this as ever since we stumbled on a carpet of wild garlic in some nearby woods we've being wanting to get out and about with a book and a bag and a roving eye for plants, herbs, fruit and seafood that we can harvest with no damage to the environment or our purse-strings and only positive benefits in terms of taste and freshness.

We'll also be safe in the knowledge that this food is completely organic and having cut out the middlemen of growers, distribution chains and shops will have had no detrimental effects on the environment. Everyone wins. Especially us.

On another note, some of you may have noticed a distinct lake of puzzle books as of late. This is explained by my employment situation. Having left the puzzle book world in October and spending two months on the sofa (Dr Quinn Medicine Woman is

very addictive and also an excellent barometer of just how long you've been unemployed - following plot lines across more than three episodes? Back to work with you right away!!) I started working for a company called Riverford Organic Vegetables in December. So now you're likely to get some grade-out vegetables instead of puzzle books, although they may not fare too well in transit to Oklahoma or New Orleans.

Working with fruit and vegetables all day long is an absolute joy, both from a sensual and an ethical viewpoint. The smells and sights, tastes and touches of our produce is just too amazing to describe. You've all smelt a fresh leek in your time I'm sure. Try smelling two tonnes of them. The smell hits you like a hammer. A very lovely vegetable hammer. I'm guessing I'll never have to use that sentence ever again.

And the ethics that this company live by are outstanding. Their efforts to reduce carbon footprints, re-use and recycle as much packaging as possible and support co-operatives of growers and farmers in the UK, Europe, Africa and South America are exemplory.

Admittedly I'm working in a warehouse. It just happens to filled with delicious organic produce instead of nuts and bolts or tupperware or computer components and situated on a beatuful farm in the heart of south Devon's breathtaking countryside.

Which is nice.

So it seems like everything is going pretty swimmingly at the moment.

Whats that? You want some pictures?

Oh all right, here's a couple of highlights from 2009.

honkjazz has a friend...

2010-01-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

right!!! after a lengthy break from all things blog like to enable a replenishment of our collective minds (little time and it's winter) a brother or sister has appeared where all things musical in the world of honkjazz will appear including mixes, shows off the purple radio and possibly the odd review, poem or interesting link.

There isn't much there yet but you can download the honkjazz office party (on the right hand side) if january really is proving to be that tough...

link - chewbubblegum

Honkjazz - The Musical Allotment Part 21

2009-10-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Its been an odd year garden-wise. I'll finish off the rundown of what did what to whom in what spot where etc etc in a bit. But first a quick word :-

rifle.

This years gardening was a quite different style to last years. Last year we had just taken on this plot and had no experience of working with earth at all. This year we were the boys with everything to prove. This year we had no excuse. This year we would be judged!

Was that as dramatic as I hope it was?

Well a poorly lady gardener and a wedding to plan kind of schtimied the course of Every Weekend And A Few In-Between gardening sessions that we fell into so eagerly last year.

The living past crept back to present, never left......... just waiting for the right vibrations to start and the wrong to stop.

Taller.

Upwards and outwards.

Will take it back.

We shall grow untited.

And then our shears broke.

I know.

I thought I'd put that pause in there so you can take in that behemoth information. Its OK - it works out in the end.

We bought some shears.

They broke after 4 seconds.

snip snip snip snip what?!?!?!?!?!?

Weeds and shrubs grew back in their fertile birthplace. Innocent lands for so long, wrenched from root and tendril, ploughed of history and robbed of bucolic prides.

How about that, was that as dramatic as I'd wanted? Sorry.

Anyways, the upshot was that we just couldn't get our shizzle together. As the weeds grew around and in the vegetable beds, higher and higher, they kind of sapped my energy along with the nitrites of this good Devon soil.

It wasn't until we employed the friendly (I mean a bit moody) services of a fellow allotment holder (who scares me a bit but has a strimmer) to use his strimmer (I told you!) to sort our plot out that things changed.

And then my friends, it was a corker. The mood throughout the autumn had been one of pessimistic navel-gazing. But now I could see it, we had a different game. With contributions from the wonderful and always intriguing Herb and Bibs the plot was transformed. The new look and some newly-found enthusiasm has led to a very positive approach and mindset from me. Beds have been stripped of every single weed. Borders are being kept in check. Last years dead crops are being torn from the earth. The unforgiving shine of metal spike crashes through the earth with barely disguised passion of purpose. Bare hands are plunged into the land and clods are crushed with loving muscle and sinew. The air and light dance through....

Wait, what? ......... I did it again didn't I?

Sorry.

So the plot is in good shape. We've got a couple of empty beds, some full beds weeded, the soil is prepared, new things have been planted (onion, broad bean and garlic), the freecycle cold-frame has been reconstructed and filled with the first of many pre-plant-out crops (cauliflowers) and we're still taking food to our tables. I feel ashamed to have bad-mouthed our efforts this year.

We've done alright for scran and its still a lot of fun.

And the drama!! You wouldn't believe it!

Fire + Children = Pizza

2009-09-22T04:31:00.001-07:00

Honkjazz - The Musical Allotment Part 20c

2009-08-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

Onions
In our house they're called FUNIONS! We don't actually know what funions are. So we planted some Japanese winter onions (that concept blew my father's mind, man) that the lovely Jute gave us in December (I think). There was another variety but I can't remember what they were called.
(pssst Jute, what were the onions called?)
We weren't too sure what they were going to do having only ever planted normal onions (whatever "normal" means - its probably a media-imposed cultural trend or stereotype that people subscribe to to try and feel and like they "fit in" which only leads to the tastemakers sneering down upon them for following suit in the first place and they end up being derided by the very people that they crave to belong to but they'll bury that shame far away in a place where it can simmer and smoulder, simmer and smoulder and they'll look down on people even less confident than them, people who don't even have the confidence to try and follow others, people who refuse to follow others and people who just don't care about following others and deep down they'll end up feeling like they've betrayed their true self by following other people's ideas of what we should look like and speak like and what we should do and eat and listen to and how we should dance and where we should go and how we should behave towards different people but really all they've ever wanted to do is dance! Thats right, dance. All they ever wanted was the greasepaint and the spotlight, the music and the crowds, the leg-warmers and the geeky American-Italian keyboard players. World, get ready because HERE I COME!.....................................)

Sorry, sorry.

So the winter onions grew well but they weren't huge so come March time when they started to wilt at the top (a sign that they're taking up every last bit of onionyness) I thought it was time to start pulling them out. My reasoning was thus: they were small and didn't have much of a bulb on them so I guessed that they must be more like a spring onion. And whats nice with the spring onion is that you eat the green bits as well. The green bits which were starting to wilt and brown. So we grabbed the biggest ones and ate them all up. And they were good. And these are short sentences. I sound like a robot. Or an idiot. Does not compute.
Throughout the Spring (© Mother Nature Inc.) we grabbed the onions out as they grew bigger. Only the ones we'd been leaving because they were too small kept growing and growing and by June we realised that I'D BEEN AN IDIOT. THEY WOULD HAVE GROWN INTO LOVELY BIG ONIONS. YOU LOVELY BIG IDIOT.
So that was my lesson learned. Still, they did taste very nice indeed.

And onto the spring onions. As mentioned earlier we planted them in between the carrots to ward off the carrot fly. Next year I'll try planting them in between the carrots and the sky to ward of the stupid rain! We planted the variety BLANK in the month of BLANK (seriously I can do that all day) and unlike last year, when not a single one came up, this lot have done alright. They're still going now and we've been grabbing them here and there for our salads and stir-frys. Very tasty indeed.
And what a load of old hot air that was. A lesson for us all I think.

(Honkjazz - The Musical will enter preproduction and casting from October 2009-January 2010)

Honkjazz - The Musical Allotment Part 20b

2009-08-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

And onwards in mega-post recap!

Carrots

This one served us well last year despite sewing them far two thickly from the off. This meant that we couldn't thin them out for fear of attracting carrot fly. But they came and represented big style! A really good crop with a few monsters amidst the curly and the odd (seriously, why hasn't anyone mass-grown curly carrots yet? Kids would love them! OK, I'd love them, whatever). Pulling the carrots out of the ground last year supplied one of my all-time highlights of the Honkjazz experience - the smell of a carrot when its just popped out of the soil. Amazing, really amazing. Try saying that without sounding like you wear clothes made out of mung beans and wash your hair with your own urine.

This year we made sure to sow them nice and thin and put rows of spring onions in between to bamboozle the carrot flies. We planted the BLANK variety in the month of BLANK and hoped for the best.

Which just wasn't good enough.
The carrots this year have been poor, the vegetation is quite small and is starting to yellow although we've no idea what's going on under the soil so I guess we'll have to reserve judgement.
Oh too late.
Carrots you have been sentenced to FAILURE!

Note: I planted another bed and a half of Autumn King carrots yesterday so hopefully we'll have a bit less rain (just a little bit, just like, ONE WHOLE DAY TO PASS PLEASE THANK YOU) and eventually a nice crop. Carrots, redeem yourselves in the eyes of your God (thats us).

Honkjazz - The Allotment Part 20a

2009-08-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Children.

I trust you've all been behaving yourselves in our absence? Didn't think so. No rhubarb jam for you.

As with the last post the dates of our gardening activities have been lost in the mists of time (fog of ale) but so much has been going on that it would be silly to try one huge rambling post (because we've never done that before).

So instead of that I'm going to try and put together a few mini-posts concentrating on one thing at a time. The photographs will be randomly selected from that last six months or so if at all and the varieties of vegetable and planting dates will be left blank for Herb to fill in because I don't know about those sort of things. It'll be like Blankety Blank. But without the chequepen and book. Is that alright?

Potatoes

The spuds this year have been a bit of an oddity. Not the things themselves, just the growing process. We planted the early, second early and main varieties (which were BLANK, BLANK and BLANK) all at the same time in the month of BLANK (I'm loving this already). The growth-rate of the spuds seemed a bit slow and the plants were quite small compared to last year leading Herb to think that he'd panted them too close together. However, when I visited my Papa's vegetable garden he was complaining about his plants being too big! The thinking was that all of the growth would be in the plants above the ground and not in the crop under it. We'll find out when he hoiks his spuds out later on this year.

Which leads to the Odd Factor (reality talent show idea no. 21) - the main crop plants have died back as well as the early and second earlys. They should have another six to eight weeks left before they die back so we're a bit flummoxed as to why they've bolted early. I shoved the fork under a rotting plant a tilted the soil up last week to check and there are big ol' spuds under the ground so its not a disaster, just a conundrum. Anyone?
Whatever - we've been taking the potatoes out of the ground in stages this year just because there's no way we can eat that many potatoes (we struggled with three beds last year - this year we have four) and last weekend I grabbed the last of the second earlys leaving just the mains underground. They'll probably have to come out soon though as the rain has been constant for weeks now and I'm a bit worried that they'll rot.
The harvest has been good and the pink potatoes are very cool and magical (especially for faerie Pwincesses). The haul is never as much as I imagine it will be which is silly really - each plant has had at least six to twelve spuds underneath it which is pretty good I reckon. But there's always a part of me that expects the ground to be packed with spuds, every square inch of it!!! Thousands of them!!!!
Anyways - we've probably pulled about five or six carrier bags full as of yet and we've been using them in curries, boiling, mashing, frying them, whatever we can as fast as we can. And they're a good size for throwing at kids on their bicycles as well.
Next up - broad beans!

Mixes From Us To You

2009-05-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

Ok - I've had a bit of a re-jig and sorted out links to all of the themed mixes that Blunts (Herb) and I do for Purple Radio. So now you can use the links to download the mixes and if you really, really like them and want to know the tracklistings then you can go to our respective purple radio pages on the forum. I'll even give you a link to them.
(talks loudly and slowly)

Here is the mix page for Blunts.
Here is the mix page for me.
And here is the mix page for honkjazz.

The mix player will feature whatever the hell we feel like putting up on there so make sure to have a listen from time to time as it will be changing.
That is all.
Thank you and goodbye :D
BB

Me.... at an Exhibition??

2009-05-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

Oh Yes - stumbled across this yesterday at the Local arty, music, get togethery place. Found it very interesting and also extremely unsettling but i can't put my finger on why?

Fence Records

2009-04-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

Over on the right there is now a link to listen to or download Brazil's rather nicely done show from purple radio. Tis all about the fence records collective and it's worthy of your time if i do say so myself.....

Honkjazz - The Allotment Part 19

2009-04-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

March 29th, April 5th, 12th & 18th

Well now, haven't we been away from a long time! You may be forgiven for thinking that we've done nothing at all. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. In fact we've entered a wonderful era in the evolution of the honkjazz allotment. Not only is everything starting to burst into life but we've also got crops ready to pick and cut from last autumn and we've been rearranging the lay of the land as well. A new team member of many names (starts on zero Team Lazer Plant Points but is swiftly heading for a good months haul) is making herself very useful indeed and has become official photographer of the month. It means that you'll be seeing more photographs like this:

Its a big, fwuwwy cadipwia!!!
And its sat on one of our raspberry canes. So you see, this photograph did serve a purpose other than making you go "ooooooh". We're currently unsure about the survival rate of the raspberry canes. Five out of the eight are showing no signs of life whatsoever but I'm quietly confident that they will come back again. Just you wait.

So what else has been going on? Details are hazy regarding what has been done on what day but here is the General Rub (reggae name no. 32):

We've started (and nearly completed) the restructuring of the top left corner of the plot. It used to have a dedicated bed just for the raspberries but we came to realise that it was a bit of a waste. So instead we've moved them back so they're flush against the fence and enlarged their old bed. Not sure what we might put in there to grow. There are lots of options and I think that Herb has a better idea of whats happening than Bibby or myself. BobJohn gave us two lovely gooseberry cuttings which Bibs has planted along the top fence to form a DEATH-DEFYING WALL OF FRUIT!!!!!

Here they are, look:

So that corner is all good. I'll attempt to put the last of the fencing back around the new plot (because Snip did it all wonky) this weekend and then ask Herbert what he wants to plant. Another plot ready - nicely slicely.

The other top corner has had a bit of restructuring but sadly there are no photographs of this. Tsssk. Over the last few weeks I've been moving the Belfast sinks into a more tidy arrangement, filled them with earth to plant sproutlings into before transplanting them into the ground, moved the shonky, old trolly thing and put stuff on it and done some other stuff as well. Sounds amazing right?

We've also put this funny plant chimney thing up there as well. My work colleague Sheridan has kindly donated some strawberry plants so I've put them in the chimney which my sister bought me years and years ago and had been sat in my folks garden full of dead herb plants. I'm hoping that its a combination of gravity and the newness of their home thats causing the plants to wilt. Once the roots bed down a bit I'm pretty sure that they'll be alright.
Also, this photograph makes it look quite threatening and alien. Which is nice.

And the wonderful David and his wife whose name I can never remember came over a couple of weekends ago to collect the mystery shrub. It was decided that as much as it was lovely and colourful it was taking up space that could be used to feed our hungry, gaping mouths. So a bit of pub business was done and David and Mystery Wife wandered along to collect it (Sniplet had spent days trying to dig the thing out - respeckatah to her for that) and in return donated a cutting from a one hundred year old bay tree. It belonged to the King Of Devon or something and David is very proud of it. The leaves were so large that I first assumed he was winding us up in the hope that we'd all go home and crumble bits of rhododendron bush into our cooking dinners but no, the honkiest bay leaves I've ever smelt. Thank you David and...................................Pauline? No. Sharon? No. Argh, fuggadabaddit.

Other structural developments - I've made a new bit at the very bottom of the plot after moving the compost bin and tidying up a load of cr*p revealed enough space for a big-ass bed. So thats been dug over, weeded, de-stoned, twisty-spikey-thinged and bordered. Then I put a bunch of swede seeds in the ground at either end (not expecting them all to grow, all one thousand of them) and a few brussel sprout seeds as well. So I come back a week later and there are flipping hundreds of swedes sprouting up.

"This'll never do" I says to eeself and spent a good two hours gently plucking the delicate, little things from the earth and putting them into pots and trays.

There's still hundreds of them in the ground but at least we'll be able to give them away a bit more easily now. Look, here I am saying "This'll never do" to eeself and gently plucking the delicate, little things from the earth to put into pots and trays.

Planted some more brussel sprout seeds in pots (just to hedge some bets) and now the Belfast sink area is awash with little pots of seeds all growing away. Its ace! There's also a couple of pots of flowers knocking around (you can tell that a girl! has been here) so its tidier, prettier and it smells nice too.

What.

Ever.

H over ordered on the potatoes this year so we've filled loads of pots down each side of the plot just to use some spuds up before they just rot away. Sad really, there's still loads of them in the shed which it looks like we might end up throwing on the compost (the potatoes not the shed) unless Acorn's Big Idea comes to fruition - see below a bit. And aren't these photographs lovely (if not a little head-spinning)?

Those potted potatoes haven't sprung to life yet but they did go into soil about three weeks after the earlies, second earlies and main crop potatoes did. I'm not sure what types Herb chose this year, I don't concern myself with that sciencey bit so I'll leave it up to him to tell you whats gone in and when.

Heres a photograph of some potatoes that are growing in some dirt that is on out plot (see the level of language we're working on here?).

I spent another good hour just breaking up the big clods of soil that littered our four potatoe beds. Some of the beds have the utmost care taken over the soil preparation, making sure that its as fine as possible, not a stone in site, all weeds lovingly cleared away. And then some of our plots are covered in huge chunks of earth.

Must Try Harder.

Or Not.

Must Have A Sit Down And Think About It.

At least it was quite theraputic to be busting up the soil like that. I do likes to get my paws grubby.

So thats the fruit corners and potatoes covered, what else?

Broccoli Godamnit, that's what!

Check out this badass RageCage of anti-pigeon technology.

These plants took to the soil very well and as soon as they started to really go for it the leaves were just getting hammered by catapillars and pigeons. One Cage Of Avian Humility later and the heads of broccoli started to appear in their loads of. Should have listened to Jute a lot sooner. Thanks Matey :D

Here are some close up shots of the two types of broccoli.

We've started to eat this now as well. Flippin

delovely it is, we had

some the other night, steamed it we did, ate it with a potato, red pepper and spring onion (from the plot) fritata. Flippin lovely it was. Lovely. It was. It was lovely. We need to move quick on this stuff as well because its starting to flower which I think renders it useless to the kitchen. Luckily its super tasty so it shouldn't be hanging around for too long.

Hopefully by harvesting the topmost bits we'll encourage growth outwards from the bottom. In fact this bed could probably do with a major thinning out as there are lots of plants that are struggling in the lower depths of the shadows so we might have these to give away soon. This also links to Snip's Big Idea of having some kind of trading post where people can either advertise or leave surpluss plants and seeds. I think this is a great yarn and would require nothing more than a small trestle table and for people to be considerate of others when taking things they want. Maybe we'll suggest it a meeting or something. Maybe we'll just do it ourselves and be like anarchist gardeners! Really peaceful, quiet anarchist gardeners who don't like smashing things up (especially not little trestle tables).

So what else?

There's those old broad beans innit?

(Look at this photograph. Really! If Kazoo wants to retain her position as plot photographer she really must try and take some pictures AFTER I've spent the day cutting the grass and weeding the beds so they look all nice and tidy for the shoot.

...................sigh................

minus 5 Power Bonus Team Lazer Points for you young lady :)

Look, they've gone and got flowers on them and everything! I moved some of these around a bit the other week, spacing them out into lines and putting sticks in. They have responded wonderfully as you can see from the close upness:

We've been trying to figure out what we can grow this year and it seems to be more of a puzzle to crack than last year. I think thats mainly because we didn't know whether we could even grow anything or not then. Now we know that we can its nice to take more care in chosing crops and planning everything out. July will be a big month for us as the early potatoes, peas and broad beans will all have been harvested (hopefully). That means that there'll be about four plots to play with. Onions, runner beans, carrots and parsnips are all in the running.

There is a bed at the top of the plot that has some nice action going on. It was full of Japanese winter onions but they didn't seem to be doing very well, not showing any bulbous oniony bits on the bottom (again with the knowledge!). So a few weeks ago we started hoiking them out and eating them as you would a spring onion. And they were super tasty as well, really strong. The reason for the early hoiking was that they'd started to pull the goodnesses (or whatever the hell it is plants do/like) out of the leaves and I figured that if they were more of a spring onion then we shouldn't really be wasting these delicious leaves. Right? Well, maybe. They have started to balloon out a bit at the bottom so maybe we were a little hasty. Anyhow, I condensed the remaining onions into one end of the plot and filled the rest of the space with some carrots and spring onions (I'm positive) and we aslo pinched a little bit of space for three lettuce plants that Herb's grandfather kindly donated.

The carrots have started showing one week later so I'm very happy with that one. As soon as the last of the Japanese onions are gone we can fill the remainder of the plot up with more carrots.

Another interesting little bed is in the middle of the plot. It holds the garlic which I tried to grow in one of the sinks last year but it didn't do very well. But the bulbs remained in the sink well after all of the foliage had died away so I chucked them in the ground to see what would happen. The answer is this:

They've been going strong for a while now. Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Also in this plot are some more lettuces from Herb's Grandfather and a few rows of peas that we only planted a few weeks ago. They've shot out of the ground in the last seven days due to some rather helpful weather - day of rain, day of sun, day of rain, day of sun. Its been great and the weekends seem to be hogging just a bit more of the sun for us to go out and play in. Here are some photographs of that plot for you to look at with your eyeballs:

Over there you can see the peas I was just writing about a minute ago yeah?

And down there are the lettuces I had just mentioned. I'm very happy with those because by this time last year we'd lost half of the planted lettuces to whatever it was that killed them. There are a few more lettuces hidden away at the back of the broccoli plot with the winter greens.

So I think thats everything covered photowise. Its been an amazing three weeks as we've watched it all start to bloom and build. Even more so for Scamp who wasn't with us last year despite putting in some hard ground work right at the start! So for her to be witnessing the growing plants is a wonder. And she likes catapillars.

There has been a good seachange in attitude as well. As we were just kind of flailing around last year we were allowed to make mistakes and just see what would happen. Now we're a bit keener of eye and deadlier of hand (not sure either) as we sculpt the land. We've started to analyse how we space everything out and try to find ways of maximising the small bit of land that we are privileged enough to have. So year by year things will improve. We'll put together a back-dated calender so we can see what was planted and harvested when. And we'll write up a nice list of successes and failures and try to figure out what we did right or wrong. Thats all good.

Here is a picture of a plant near a fence.

Cheers

Niiiiiice.

2009-03-09T02:37:00.000-07:00

By way of thanking Herb/Blunts for posting my Lee 'Scratch' Perry mix in the post below (a big sucess in Oklahoma) I'll return the favor by pointing at his marvellous jazz club mix from the other day.

You can download it here! So go on. Clicky linky. Do it. Now. Thank you. OK. Relax.

BB Does Kimble...

2009-03-07T06:10:00.000-08:00

Over on the right there is the delightful show that BB put together on purple radio a while back - it's all lee scratch perry or linked to the great man. So, get your lug holes round 60 minutes of dubtastic shizzle!!

It happened on a thursday...

2009-03-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

The shed now has a worktop. I know that these kind of things don't happen very often but to make sure this event was recorded for future generations i have included a photo...

Much against the honkjazz ethos (!!!???) i had to buy some brackets and fix the worktop with a certain degree of security. I can confirm this will never happen again and want to assure BB in particular that this level of workmanship is very much a one off....

Also the first early seed potatos are on the kitchen table and progressing nicely towards there ultimate fate (planted in the ground)

Until next time....

Stuff To Do

2009-03-02T05:21:00.000-08:00

The huge day of progress has really inspired me with ideas for the plot as of late. A glut of seeds have forced my eyes to survey our little scrap of land a bit more carefully if we're going to fit everything in. Last year was a bit of a folly as Herb and I tried to discover whether we could even make things grow and that.
We can.
So this year we can look at things a bit more seriously.
Here are the jobs which need to be done as soon as possible:

1) Dig out a new bed (probably for the brussel sprouts)
2) De-stone and weed the brocolli bed.
3) Extend the borders of any plots that need it.
4) Plant spring greens in any gaps or spaces.
5) Break up the soil in the carrot bed ahead of planting so its all lovely and fine.
6) Dig up the shrub of mystery and extend the fruit bed into the empty space.
7) Establish the herb garden in the Belfast sinks and any other containers we can use.
8) Plant out surplus potatoes in buckets, barrels and boxes to save plot space.
9) Sit down and have a cup of tea.
10) Consider joining the plots together and losing the side-paths in favor of one long pathway down the middle of the two uber plots.

ummmm, thats about it for now :D

Honkjazz On Purple Radio - Last Wednesday Show Evah!!!

2009-03-01T10:04:00.000-08:00

Yep tis true we've played our last show on a wednesday evening (which is over on the right for your listening delictation). Our new slot will be the 2nd saturday of each month which means we return to the virtual airwaves on the 14th March 9pm - 11pm so be sure to tune in.

Honkjazz - The Allotment Part 18

2009-02-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

Its so crazy (so crazy) to see this as the first proper post of the year. 2009 is already seven weeks old and we've done nothing? Nothing?!?!?! Well almost. It may sund like a convenient excuse but the weather here has been pretty raw of late. Now I know that some of you may live in more hearty climes (my sister will always scoff when we mention temperature as she lives in Canada and they've recently experienced -30 conditiions - flippin 'ell Tucker!!!) but if its raining then its raining and as the old boys here say "if it sticks to yer boots, go home" so thats the maxim we've sat on the sofa to.
But on the plus side we've managed to get a shed for free (more on that later) and we've planned the next season out and we've ordered the seeds as well. So its not all been wasted time.
And this weekend just gone saw the first solid sunshine for ages. The first run of three days without rain in months. And the first weekend without plans.
Herbert couldn't make it as he had some wedding rubbish to attend to (priorities man, priorities!!!) so Snip and I trundled down to the plot for mid-day, haversack brimming with sandwiches (cheese and auntie's homemade picalilly), flasks of tea, ready rolled cigarettes and the radio for the football.
And we were faced with such a multitude of tasks to complete, finding a starting point was quite tricky. Herbert had already told me that the seeds had been delivered so we wanted to try and clear some space for him to get planting in the following week. The first job we did was to combine the onions which had been planted in one and a half beds together to save space. In the main bed there were a few onions which hadn't taken so Snip sorted them out and weeded the bed whilst I carefully dug up the few onions that had shown any promise in the second bed which she then planted all together.
The free bed was then prepared for the oncoming early potatoes with a good weeding, turning over, breaking up and adding of well rotted pig manure. A good start.
The same thing had to be done with the broad beans (they had also been planted over one and a half beds) so Snip got stuck into that and I prepared another spare plot for the potatoes. Snip then started to weed and de-stone another spare plot so I turned my attention to the new shed.
Up until now all of our tools had been hidden under an old piece of carpet. They had only cost a couple of pounds each from the recycling centre so it wasn't a big deal but getting the shed was a great start just to store our stuff inside. I emptied everything out of the shed and started repacking it in a sensible order (leaving space for the beers, tea-making facilities and newspapers). There was a lot of stuff that had been kept in big buckets that had become waterlogged when the buckets filled up with rain so this was all emptied out and sorted through and anything valuable to us left out in the sun. While the shed was empty I took the opportunity to nail a cross-beam on the wall and the put screws into that so all of the hand-tools can be hung up (which is ace and was fun if not a little bit will-the-shed-fall-down-if-I-hit-it-with-the-hammer-again).
While I was in the spring-cleaning mood I decided to turn my attention to the composting area (opposite the shed). I'd been wanting to move the compost bin for ages so I cleared out the space which had held the manure supply and managed to work the home-made bin over the top of the compost heap and into the corner. This also gave me the chance to put the compost back in reverse therefore giving it a good mix-up in the process. All of the pots and bits of junk that had accumulated around the bin were sorted out and everything was starting to look nice and tidy. Sandwiches and tea were served and appart from having to listen to Liverpool FC on the radio it really was a beautiful day.
After lunch we decided to finish the shed renovations so we cracked open the creosote and started painting the shed in the noxious but beautifully scented brown stuff. After this we de-stoned, weeded and dug over the old runner bean bed which will be used for carrots. Snip also cleared the stones, weeds and dead foliage from the brocolli bed and just as the light was fading I marked out a new plot which will beused for cauliflowers.

So all in all it was an amazing day of progress, spring cleaning, DIY, pre-planting prep' work and football on theradio. The plot looks brilliant and theres a definite sense of clarity about everything now. And as soon as I find my lead I'll get some photographs up for you to see :D

It's Snowing In Devon!

2009-02-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

And here are the pictures to prove it...

Wednesdays Show Up For Your Listening Pleasure

2009-01-31T04:14:00.000-08:00

Yep just over to your right is the latest show from honkjazz on purple radio. I have to say it was a pretty mixed bag but then thats what you've come to expect....

An historic Week In More Ways Than One.....

2009-01-27T11:26:00.000-08:00

So America got a new leader in Mr Obama and the honkjazz allotment got it's shed. I'll let you decide which one holds more hope for the future of mankind.....
Here's some photo's of the momentus occasion although the camera on my phone is tat...

CONGRATUMALATIONS!!!

2009-01-27T01:35:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was the first birthday of the Honkjazz Allotment. One year old. And how did we celebrate this mammoth landmark? We spent the weekend collecting, repairing and putting up a shed, thats how! S'right, after harping on about getting a shed all year we finally made the big jump and pushed on out there. "Out there" being the end of the village high street and "big jump" being collected for free. I'll ask Snip to get down there this week with a camera because I know you're all gasping to see this wonder of the world. She did take a photo of the team on completion of the shedness so maybe Herb will put that up soon to mark the occasion. Massive thanks to the amazing Mr Simon. His energy, common sense, uncommon sense and ability to curse were limitless and we owe him a lot of beers for his brilliant efforts.
And I got to ride in the back of a van!!!! (squeee)
So, photographs pending.
This really heralds the new year in well for us. I'll put together a post listing the truimphs and failures, lessons learned, star buys, tastiest treats, etc. Like the Oscars but with all of the back-stage drama, tears and tantrums thrown in. And onions. Lots of onions (perhaps thats why they all cry so much?).
We can also reveal our masterplan for the year and let me tell you its a ripsnorterbanger. The tension is palpabale!!
So lots to come in the next couple of weeks. And don't forget the radio show. We'll be starting an Allotment Tune Of The Month section and I might play a couple of my own tracks as well. Linky is on this page somewhere, not sure where.
Laters potaters.
BB
x

Extra New Years Treat.. a bit late....

2009-01-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

Yep we really are spoiling you and to ensure that you all feel loved as we move into 2009 - we have put up part 1 of New Years Eve Mega Monster 6 hour Mash that Honkjazz ably smashed all over www.purple-radio.co.uk (be warned there is one f word during a clip from the legend that is Bill Hicks, so if there are minors listening then tell em to get back down the pit!!). Parts 2 & 3 may make it up before the end of 09 but it did get messy so the editing could take a while....... anyhew enjoy it there's some rather loverly tunes in there.....somewhere...

Into The Future

2009-01-09T01:42:00.000-08:00

And a Merry New Year to you to!
We both hope that you had a wonderful festive break and a battysmasher of a New Years Eve. For me Christmas was spent in a whirlwind of family visiting, country walks, pub visits and fine foods. New Years Eve was spent over at Honkjazz Towers broadcasting on Purple Radio and we had a blast. The show was supposed to be two hours long but we went and doned a six hour show just because we could!!! So what better way to greet you all in 2009 than with a short burst from the sharpest comic mind in Britain. Huzzah!
BB

It's Christmas Don't Ya Know...

2008-12-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

Yep that time of unruly joy and unblemished hope is upon us once again. To celebrate this most wonderous of times we have put the Honkjazz Christmas special for your good selves to listen to (over on the left) whilst chewing on the left overs or you could listen to it now.... ultimately it's down to you.

On a slightly more allotmenty note the broad beans are well into the ground and preparations for 2009 are moving apace (nothing so far)

So there it is, short and sweet and from all at Honkjazz (Brazil & Herbert) here's to a great Christmas and a Happy new Year (BTW Honkjazz will be doing a New Years Eve Show from 10pm - 12pm so if your not going out then tune in for a rip roaring journey through 2008 with at least 2 tunes from the past year - Check it at http://www.purple-radio.co.uk/

Honkjazz - The Allotment Part 17

2008-11-23T06:44:00.000-08:00

I felt compelled today to provide an update on the allotmenting side of the honkjazz. However, the update is really based around what hasn't been done but also what will be done in the next week (honest!) and what has happened over the past year...

The plan today was to get my sidelight fixed on the car and then get up to the plot to weed the japanese onion sets and finally put the Broad beans (Aquadulce Claudia) & Cabbages (Wheelers Imperial). This plan failed at the first hurdle when it became apparent that the sidelight problem on the car was not going to be a quick fix and the heavens have decided to open with a mixture of freezing cold rain / hale and a lovely diagonal wind that seems to just blow directly in your face.

So, i'm back at home eating some tomato (hoping to grow some of these next year) soup and listening to the footie on the wireless (radio not WI-FI internet enabled radio). But, I feel this has definitely provided a time to reflect on what has come to pass over this past year (yes i know it's a bit early for a lets look back over the past year but hey thats life).

The year started without a plot which made growing anything extremely difficult. Luckily Brazil used his negotiating (application) skills to obtain a plot and before you could say shiver me timbers the honkjazz allotment was brought into being.

This was then closely followed by a mad session of rubbish clearing and general disbelief and the sheer scale of what had been taken on. This was exasperated but herbert being unable to add anything but supportive words over the phone.

At this point i feel compelled to say that Brazil's single minded determination took a small piece of wasteland and dragged it kicking and screaming into a workable piece of land capable of bearing vegetables of the tasty variety. Without this effort there would simply have been nowt, nada, nothing, null, rien.

From there plots took shape. ground was turned and belfast sinks were lifted into position. (Please do look over the previous 16 posts if you would like pictorial support.)

By now the summer was opon us and the evenings were long.

We had put potatoes, white onions, spring onions, carrots and runner beans into the ground and there was progress a plenty.

BBQ's were enjoyed and many a cool can of lager was consumed as nature took it's course and slowly the seeds turned into vegetables.

It is important to note that the honkjazz way of doing things involves 10% science and 90% blind faith but it is also very important to remember that the 90% is still faith even if it is blind.

To say that it was all plain sailing would be a mistake. There were times when despair was at the fore and you couldn't see the plot for the weeds. Somehow this just spurred on further heroic efforts to keep on pushing forward and believe me did it bear fruit!! (Veg)

The spuds were reet tasty, the onions were sharp and the carrots full of flavor. This for me is the real success story of the past year that within a matter of months there was fresh produce on our plates and a feeling of satisfaction in our souls. I really can't overstate just how much the plot has a positive effect on both of us.

Now we are well into winter and progress has somewhat slowed (Herbert take note) but i'm still over the moon with what has come about this year and once the broad bean and cabbage seeds do go in the ground we will be ensuring a positive start to 2009 where i'm sure the honkjazz allotment will go from strength to strength. The key is that we have fun and if possible eat some tasty veg to boot.

Oh and i nearly forgot with christmas fast approaching here is a picture of santa swimming in an aquarium in Tokyo.......

An Item For Your Attention!!!

2008-11-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

We have at Honk towers added a link to the internets we like for the one and only collective discharge @ http://collectivedischarge.blogspot.com/ blog for all you discerning music lovers out there - their mix is going out on Soild Steel radio for goods sake so make haste and check em out.....
H.

Honkjazz Is Now Fortnightly On Purple Radio!!

2008-10-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yep we sure are... playing a unique blend of Devonshire's finest (funkysoulfulfolkenbeatknockbeintronicambient).
Check out http://www.purple-radio.co.uk/.

The next show is Wednesday 5th which is bonfire night but most of you will go to a bonfire type thing this weekend so stay in and listen to this instead between 10-12pm.
If you can't then check it to the right of this blog post or the mixes section of the purple radio website.

Gwan!!!

The most recent show is to the right just for you.....
H.

Magic, Mischief, Murder, Mayhem & Mindbending Mystery - Part 3

2008-10-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

The lands to the west of England have long been completely drenched in mindless storytelling and intrigue because people drink too much and haven't got anything better to do than gossip and exaggerate. In an occasional series of reports we slice open the fatted underbelly of myth and throw the intestines of legend at the wall of truth (good lord!)

I proudly (not very) present the legend of.......

Glastonbury

A place of magical energy and one of the most powerful series of connecting ley lines on earth or a big old phony-baloney festival where estate agents in their mid-thirties go to get ripped off by travellers, teenage drug dealers, food vendors, bar prices, merchandising stands, crusty jugglers, stalls selling stupid hats, fortune tellers and opportunist thieves just so they can feel like they're still young?

The only mystery that Glastonbury has is why anyone would pay £160 to stand in a muddy field with 120,000 assholes watching The Stereophonics.

BOOYAKASHAA! Take that, suckers!

Proof indeed that Mother Nature hates The Stereophonics just as much as I do. High Five Mother Nature!

It’s said that Jesus Christ himself walked the green hills of Glastonbury in the form of Joseph of Arimathea, his post-crucifixion alter-ego. It is also believed that he thought Paul Weller’s afternoon set was shit and that £13 was a bit too much to pay for a henna tattoo.

Zing! You can keep that one.

A Note Of Progress To Come

2008-10-09T15:54:00.000-07:00

Very quickly i want you to all know the following:

1) A plan for the winter is in place
2) seeds have been ordered
3) Some seeds aren't available and alternatives will have to be sort
4) Things will be be built to protect out fledglings through the winter
5) A shed will be in place by christmas (no really)
6) Honkjazz now broadcasts on Purple Radio check it - www.purple-radio.co.uk
7 The seeds that are available have arrived
8) winter onions are in the ground

To sum up the plot looks great and it feels great...

A more deatailed report to follow.....
Stay Tuned

honkjazz - The Allotment Part 16

2008-10-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 20th September
Well now. Things had got in a terrible state of disrepair down here. As we mentioned previously the weather and our schedules had played a big part in keeping us away from the plot for a fair while. Certainly long enough for the weeds and grass to get up to knee-height in places. So Herb and I had allocated this weekend to have a bit of a sort out. And thats what we did. In full effect!
I kicked things off by arriving at the plot at about 11am and filling my car with the bags of weeds and the old dumpy-bag. This lot had been sat there doing nothing for ages so it was a nice first job to get done. I took them all to the recycling centre (managing to give the dumpy bag away to a very appreciative couple in the process - so the cycle continues) and on the way back popped into Large-DIY-Chain-Store-With-Brightly-Colored-Advertising (damn you and your brightly colored advertising!) to chat about sheds. Specifically the chances of getting our dirty hands on some damaged stock. According to your man there they do sometimes have damaged stock and there might be a couple of weather damaged sheds up for grabs in the next couple of weeks. More on the shed business later as developments have....er..........developed. Whatever.
So the last stop on the journey was at Harry & Sue's small-holding for some pig poo. Luckily Harry was there so I didn't have to be clambering over gates like a bearded, sh*t-caked cat burgler. That was very satisfying that was. Filling the sacks that twenty minutes ago had been full of weeds with lovely pig muck. Another cycle continues.
So getting back to the plot I started by tidying up that whole area. And here it is looking rather lovely.
So that was the first lot done. Next job was to cut the weeds back around the edges and in between the plots. Because this is job is a killer on the back I would cut around a bed and then weed the living daylights out of it before moving on to another area. Herb joined me at lunchtime and wepassed the day weeding and cutting and weeding and cutting. My favorite piece of work was the broccoli/cabbage plot which was so overgrown that you couldn't really see the vegetables for the weeds. It took me about three

hours but after hoiking the smaller broccoli plants out of the ground and weeding the bed (much easier than trying to weed around them) it looked smashing. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how this bed develops as I am a big fan of the broccoli. Innit.

So that was a very fine Saturday indeed.

Sunday, 21st September
Today we really went to work on the plot. Herb was weeding the plots that have been recently vacated by onions, carrots and potatoes and I carried on with the trimming. Between us we thrashed the place and it was good.
So we headed up to the recycling centre and bought an essential piece of furniure.

So it has now taken on a great little atmosphere. Its neater and tidier and we can have a sit down on our bench and discuss our plans. Which are complex but good. I'll let H go into the finer points of them but basically we've got to figure out what we can plant over the next few months to keep the cycle going.
We also need to build some stuff and get the shed sorted.
And thats it.
Not too much to think about then.
........sigh....... Oh, we also took some fresh vegetables away with us. Carrots, beans and cabbages. Nice huh?
I'll leave you with a picture of the plot as we left it on the Sunday evening.

Some Further Thanks

2008-09-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

Just a quick addition... and yes the big chill review is on it's way, promise!!
Big thanks to Tracy (Me Bro's Missus) for getting us the seedlings, seeds and seeders. Without these we would literally have had nothing.
To me Bro for enabling the transfer (god i talk some shit) of the above to me to then get them in the ground. Again this is extremely important as any allotmenteer will know..... without seeds you aint got nowt.

Magic, Mystery, Murder & Mayhem - Part 2

2008-09-07T02:36:00.000-07:00

The West Country of England has long been associated with myths and legends. From The Beast Of Bodmin Moor to the Devil's Footprints, tales of folklore have ensured that this wild and rugged part of the kingdom remain shrouded in magic and intrigue.
Until now!
So let's sweep aside the curtain of mystery and have a closer look at some of the magical stories that the West Country has to offer as we look at Part 2 of an occasional series. This week our journey through space and time brings us......

The Legend Of Giant Bolster

I’m going to have to quote from a website about this one:

“Giants loom large in the folklore of Cornwall, and legend tells us that once upon a time the Penwrith area was plagued with them. Giant Bolster must have been a truly enormous figure, since he could plant one foot on Carn Brea (the high hill just outside Camborne) and the other on the cliffs outside St. Agnes - some six miles away - he must have been about 12 miles high.”

Hold up there homes. Are you stoned? 12 miles high? I think you're the one who's 12 miles high! Bunch of chuckleheads. Knowing the Cornish he was probably just an unusually tall man which at the time meant he was about 6”2. Idiots.
But wait – it gets better.

“Bolster was a bad tempered and violent brute who terrorised the countryside and struck fear into the hearts of ordinary folk, but he met his match in the pious and chaste St. Agnes. He fell in love with her and pursued her relentlessly, but St. Agnes wanted none of it. Sick of his constant attentions, St. Agnes told him to prove his love for her by filling up a hole in the cliff at Chapel Porth with his own blood. To Bolster that was an easy task. After all, he'd never miss a few gallons - but St. Agnes knew that the hole was bottomless and led into the sea below. He stretched out his arm, plunged a knife into it and lay down to wait for the hole to fill up. It never did of course and eventually Bolster lost so much blood he died. Thus, St. Agnes was rid of his unwanted attentions but he left his mark behind. The cliffs at Chapel Porth to this day still bear a red stain, said to be from where his blood ran down into the sea.”

Way to go Agnes, that's a nice style you've got there. You couldn’t write him a letter? Change your mobile phone number? Stay with friends for a while. Go on holiday. Just tell the poor schlub, we’ve all had to do it. Sure he’ll hurt for a while but his heart will mend eventually.

Not any more it won't. YOU JUST KILLED HIM YOU CRAZY BITCH!

It’s nice to see that even in ancient myth and legend women are still all nutters!
Also, is he wearing Converse Allstars?
BB

I'd Like To Thank My Mom, My Agent, My Cleaner, My Bus Driver.....

2008-09-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

When we first took on the plot we just figured it would be a nice bit of a project to give us some free food and that. But the honkjazz allotment has become a massive part of our lives and it represents a whole lot more than just a veg' plot. It arrived at a really important time in my life when I was at a bit of a low and the walls of my flat seemed to be the only sight I'd see of a weekend. So to have a scratch of land to chomble about on has become so vital to me, I can't describe it. But I'll try. Heh.
When you lose love you tend to grab hold of anything that can fill the void that you feel. For me it seemed to be shopping. I bought trainers, antique furniture, graphic novels - anything that might stop me feeling down for a while. And of course none of it worked. I still felt down - just a bit more broke is all.
So to have a piece of earth that I could put all of my heart into became a massively important thing in my life. Its provided a place for me to sit and think and smoke and drink and survey the growing things that we've put in the ground.
We've had some stellar times up on the plot, radio burbling, beers on the go, smokes a plenty. Sometimes I just go to the plot and sit, thinking about the series of events that have led me to this place. Its a good place.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I meant to post a big ol' thank you to all of the people that have helped us make this plot what it is. So a massive honkjazz big up to...

Ian - Thank you for all of the timber, sand and tools. And the burning bin was very cool as well.
Gavin & Lisa - thank you for helping us dig over the first two beds, laying the pathway (top work G-Spot!) and for generally being ace.
Rebecca - Thank you for standing in the rain helping me to hoik out carrots and spuds and onions. Star!
Gentle Ben - Thank you for the timber and especially the little fencing that we've used around the raspberry bed.
Harry & Sue - Thank you for the massive amounts of pig poo that have helped our vegetables grow so strong. And also for the paving slabs that helped make our Useless Patio!
Poppa - Thank you my love for the swede plants, the rosemary bush, the advice, the love and the support. My endless thanks are for you. x
Jute & Lex - For turning me onto purple broccoli. Goddamn! that's good sh*t. Much love.
My agent.
My manager.
Our fans - couldn't have done it without you.
Phil - My brother in the folly.

So thank you all. We love you so much and hope to be eating lovely foods with you at the nearest opportunity.
x
BB

Hiatus

2008-09-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

Well you may have been super worried about us and the lack of updates on the state of the plot. I wouldn't blame you. It is a tumultuous soap opera at the best of times. Heh.
The blog has been ignored about as much as the allotment to be honest with you. And not for want of trying but more for want of some decent f*cking weather! Seriously its been wet and miserable havoc down these parts. We've just not been able to get to the site for a decent session (whatever way you want to read that ;-) for ages now.
Anyway, stuff has been going on. I promise.
So a few weeks ago I managed to get to the site with my friend Rebecca and we lifted the first batch of carrots, some spuds and the last of the onions. And it was good.

Here you can see the carrots that we hoiked out. Lovely innit? These are the carrots that we didn't sow properly. We didn't thin them out for fear of inciting the dreaded carrot fly so we figured we'd just leave them be and see what the honkjazz ethos (put it in the ground and see what shape it comes out) would produce. And it produced a mad crazy bunch of twisted carrots, allwonky and knarly. Still, tasted bl**dy marvellous!
So we washed spuds and carrots and dried out the last of the onions and everything was great and good.
The issue that we faced was what to do with the empty beds. Yeah, that ones still unsolved and at the moment we have five beds sat waiting. All they need is a good weeding and they're ready to rock but as I said the weather is just too sh*t to get down there at the moment - its doing my flipping head in!
Anyway, over the last few weeks we've been popping down there to pinch the odd bag of runner beans (which are doing very well thank you) but its always been in the rain so no actual work can get done.
I did get down the plot after work for a couple of hours last week to try and cut back the manic weeds which are quickly taking over but after two hours of solid chopping I'd barely made a dent! Damn them all to hell! Today I did manage to get down there to hoik the last of the spuds out (in the lashing rain!) but couldn't get any housework done. Its doing my head in as well because it deserves to be taken care of but we just can't do it. Oh well. It'll happen when it happens.
We need to get our thumbs out and figure out what we can plant now because we've got five beds empty and thats just wrong! Wrong! Wrong! So thats the mission for the next three weeks - weed the living daylights out of the empty beds, remove all traces of spuds (just in case they had some blight) and get some winter crops in (any suggestions would be more than welcomed). Otherwise, the runner beans are doing great, the broccolis are over-run with weeds but well healthy, the swedes are strong (although a part of my brain doubts that they're actually swedes at all and I'll be posting some pictures as soon as I've weeded the beds - I couldn't stand the shame of showing you them as they are now) and the raspberry plants seem okay just doing their own thing. The pepper plants are strong and thats about the lot for the plot. It just needs a good old seeing to and as soon as the weather permits I'll be right on it.
I promise.
Heres the vegetable basket tonight.

Magic, Mystery & Mayhem - Part 1

2008-08-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Having spent some time on the beautiful land of Dartmoor I felt strangely inspired by the magical and ancient landscapes, the flowing rivers and fearless rocks, the stone circles and dark forests. The land of the west is riddled with such beauty and mysticism and deserves closer attention by all. So I proudly (not at all) present the first in an occasional series of articles reporting on the myth and legend of the west. Join me as I take you on a journey through time and space as we investigate The Magic Of The West!

The Ghost Of Lady Howard

As the gates of Fitzford House rumble open a fearsome, red-eyed hound thunders towards you. Behind it comes a horse-drawn carriage, it’s only passenger a ghostly white old woman – The Ghost Of Lady Howard. So far, so good (although the bloodthirsty, red-eyed hell-hound might be pushing it a bit but whatever). But wait, there’s more.

The carriage is made of bones and it’s driven by a headless horseman. OK. And Freddy Kruger did the MOT right? Who fixes your hair, lady, Michael Myers?

So apparently the bone-wagon travels 16 miles to Okehampton and when they get to the castle the dog walks up the castle mound and gently plucks a single blade of grass in its teeth and then they all head back to Fitzford House. By the way, I can’t believe the hell-hound isn’t slavering all over that carriage made of bones. Seriously headless horseman? If the suspension ever goes on that thing I’m guessing the dog has been chewing on your shocks. Just saying.

(Oh, the picture has got nothing to do with this particular legend but wow, what a creepy cat - you'd better say thank you when it brings you another chewed up, half dead frog as a present or it might shoot a laser out of it's eyes or something)

It seems that Lady Howard will not be released from this nightly spectral procession until the entire castle mound is free from grass as a penance for murdering loads of people or something. Two words - established judicial system. What kind of crazy judge passes that sentence? I know judges are a bit old and mad and all but as soon as they start sentencing people to an eternity of watching a dog pluck a blade of grass from a castle mound every night I think it's probably time to hang up the wig.

And haven’t you ever heard of Round-Up? It’ll clear that grass in no time. She must be an organic gardener. Just cover it in old carpet or black plastic sheeting. Job done. If the dog really has to do it why not just send the dog? Do you have to be there every time? Take a night off, watch ‘Ice-Dancing With The Stars’ or something.

This legend is so dumb that I can’t even be bothered to poke fun at it anymore.

The Mixes to the right....

2008-08-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

Are now organised in numerical order. 7 is the latest one ok.

Our OCD can now relax.....

Honkjazz the Allotment - Part 15 (Kind Of)

2008-08-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

It's a temporary blog post until a full update appears of all the shenanigans that have gone on "up on the plot". Here 's a few pics and there's a new mix on the right.

Now, here's a little lesson - The one on the left has blight, the one on the right doesn't. The picture in the middle is of a bed full of blighted spuds. Simple (edit - the jury is out on whether we have blight)

But, even though we had blight (edit - the jury is out on whether we have blight) without actually knowing it we've still come away with a good crop of kestrel spuds for the collective honkjazz plate - Yippee!!!!

And here are some lovely carrots - yummmmmy...

So there it is - Honkjazz are producing you see.

honkjazz The Allotment - Part 14

2008-07-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

From this -

To this -

To this -

Yes, the first produce from the honkjazz allotment has hit our plates in the form of lovely, green baby gem lettuces. Herbert will be having his with lunch today and I tasted some in freshly baked roles with Spanish chorizo in one and Milanese salami in the other. And dear Lord it was a tasty treat. Made all the better because we made it. We made it I say! The start of something that is very good for you.

So this weekend has seen a lot of hard work done on the site. Nothing mad important, just housework. But work all the same. On Saturday Herb and I busied ourselves with the weeding. The beds were starting to become a bit overgrown with a sea of little green invaders covering the floor. The worst hit was the runner bean patch so I got stuck into that whilst H tackled the onion bed. I must say that I found it very, very satisfying indeed. And I got into it too, not letting a single little weed slip past. What a joy a freshly weeded vegetable bed is!
The runner beans are doing well considering how late we planted them out. Herb and I have kind of gotten into the slacker side of garden in some cases, i.e it will do it's own thing so let it do it's own thing. So what if we planted stuff out at the wrong time of year. It's natural instinct is to grow. And if it doesn't grow it dies. That's that. Apart from a short dalliance with Round-Up (which I'm happy to leave alone now - the weeds will always come back!) we haven't used any chemical aids or pesticides or any stuff like that. No nitrogen pellets, no Fish Blood & Bone. Nothing. Just a lot of pigsh*t and digging. I'm cool with that.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the runners are doing well, climbing steadily with lots of beautiful red flowers around the base of the plants, probably up the first two feet or so. Hopefully the vines will soon mesh and tangle and the flowers will appear all over (like our neighbor Ron's wonderful plants that you can see in the background - a curse on your house Ronald!!). Here they are....

Herbert shuffled off to have fun in the sun on the run and I finished off the bean bed and called it a day for Saturday. After all, it WAS Chudleigh Carnival that evening and there would undoubtedly be live Bare Knuckle Boxing in the streets once the procession had finished. So that was Saturday done. But not before I tried to start some shear-trimming action on the quickly growing grass. But the call of the carnival had it's grip on me. The smell of donut grease hung like a heavy cloak over the village whilst a mustard gas Candy floss aroma searched out open windows and tickled the occupants on the chin, drawing them outside in a daze. Not really sure what they were doing stood in the road, they soon found themselves slowly walking to the town square where they would eat pink sugar and watch Chudleigh's Got Talent on a little stage near the war memorial. Later they would snap back awake as the dying notes of 'Simply The Best' or 'Let Me Entertain You' hung in the air and the male/female duo (called something like Fire & Ice or Mark Two - because his name is Mark and it's his band and there's two of them) packed up their gear. Nobody could quite remember what happened that evening and all across the village people looked at the battery powered flashing deely-boppers and pink, sparkly cowgirl hats that they had somehow acquired and tried to work out what the time was.

So on Sunday I headed back up to the plot and got stuck in. So much work to do and such a beautiful day to do it on. I started by having a bit of a tidy up and finished off the grass cutting for the bottom of the plot and around the fences. I should have done the whole plot but it's a real back killer so I kept procrastinating by finding little jobs that I didn't even know needed doing. I practically emptied the dumpy bag full of weeds into about twenty sacks ready to be deposited at the recycle centre which took a while but was cool because as soon as the bag is empty we can chuck it away and build another compost bin in it's place. And what a joyful and triumphant day that will be for all!

I went through the potato plots and unraveled any pesky bindweed that I found on the spud plants. The potatoes are doing very well and are starting to slowly die back. They're quite crowded in and stretching out at the sides in search of light. I think it's going to be packed with spuds under the ground and can't wait to start digging them out with my grubby little hands.

I finished off the onion bed weeding leaving a load of beautiful onions who, like the spuds, are just starting to pull the goodness from their leaves in one last growth spurt. Not that some of them need it. The biggest of them are about the size of a lawn bowling ball. Lovely. I'm going to attempt to plait them together in a rustic French stylee! I do not have high hopes for that part of the operation.
So er..... good luck with that.

I then dug a few weeds out of the mixed bed. This bed is one of my favorites because it keeps changing and it's lovely and bright. The day we finished it Bob/Jon wandered over and gave us some lettuce sproutlets so we planted those in. Then we filled the rest up with alternating rows of carrots and spring onions. Except they didn't really work. As you can see only half of the carrots took and none of the spring onions (actually out of a packet of 1000 seeds we have five spring onions - hahahahahahaha). So after I'd pulled out the few weeds on show I decided to move the pepper plants from one of the Belfast sinks and into some of the spare ground left by the stupid spring onions. Although there is a theory doing the rounds that we washed the seeds away the first time we even watered them but whatever. Only three out of the nine pepper plants had made it but I still planted the other six brown withered stalks because you never quite know what's going on with that there nature stuff. Feeling very happy with myself I did the same thing for the failed garlic plants. These were going great guns and then just died back into the bulb form. Not sure what happened but the bulbs were just sitting there in the sink-soil so I chucked those into the ground as well and we'll just wait and see what will happen. Probably nothing, maybe something.

This is the one bed that I couldn't really work on. After cutting away the nettles and grass along the back fence I could get to weeding the swedes (sweeding?) but the broccoli is still so small that's it's difficult to weed around it so I thought I'd leave this one until it's obvious exactly what is a broccoli sproutling and what is a weed in disguise!
Hmmm, hasn't my shadow put on weight?

So this is all me putting off finishing the grass-cutting. So I thought, "Mmmmmm, I know, I'll go and eat that lovely, big raspberry that I spotted yesterday on one of our fledgling raspberry bushes. Over I wander only to find SHOCK HORROR that it's missing. Just as I'm about to call an allotment holders emergency meeting in the presence of the village constabulary to solve this crime I spotted the offender. It was a bird flying overhead. I saw the look in it's beady little birdy eye and I could swear that it squawked at me the little sh*t. So I wasted a good hour and a half building the worlds most useless fruit cage.
It's useless on many levels as well. Primarily because it WILL fall apart with the slightest gust of wind. I only had five pieces of bamboo and some string to make the framework so you can imagine how well it's held together. More a stick balanced on some other sticks. If it does actually manage to stay together the birds definitely won't
be able to get at the raspberries. And neither will
we. The entire thing would have to be knocked over
in order to pick one, single fruit. The last completely stupid "design" flaw is the possibility of a bird getting inside through one of the many little holes but not being able to get out. So we'll have no fruit left and a nice collection of birds that have been literally scared to death.
Nice work huh? I bet you've never seen a fruit-cage/bird-trap as well constructed as this one?
At least I got to take part in the Thing That Boys Love To Do No. 16 (no, not that) - building things out of string and sticks and nets. Which is of course ace.

I finished the day with two great pieces of work. I finished off the grass cutting and then weeded Herbert's 2nd carrot/spring onion bed.
This is such a relaxing thing to do - sitting in the dirt gently plucking little weeds from the ground and occasionally crumbling up clods of earth. Getting your hands in the soil (which was wonderfully warm under the surface) can be very soulful experience and one that I can recommend to anyone wanting a bit of stress relief.
So there we are. Barring one plot the entire allotment has been smartened up, had a haircut (styled by Vidal Baboon) and weeded to within an inch of it's little life. Things were replanted (and therefore given another chance to feed our greedy bellies) and protected and I invented a great way to trap birds. And we got to eat some stuff that we made live.
And we are mighty good smug about this.

Back (In Full Effect)

2008-07-16T01:48:00.000-07:00

So I came back from holidays to find that Herb had been working away on the defences of our fair scratch of land. And a wonderful job he has done too. We'll spend the weekend weeding and trimming so it's nice and lovely and then do a mahoosive photo update just for you. No, not you, you. And maybe you.
I'm going to resist the temptation to tell you every single little thing that happened on my holiday and instead throw some photographs up for you to glance at for just a second.
The order is random. Deal with it.

Here are some rock formations at St. Agnes
beach. The surf was far too mental to go swimming and the weather was kind of grey anyways so myself, Jake and Mia (nephew and niece) had to be content with that great British past-time of Champions - Rockpooling! And St. Agnes does have some awesome rock-pools.

My folks and I went for a lunch at a beautiful pub somewhere or other. As soon as I sat down in the garden for a smoke this little dog wandered over and said hello. He was followed by his sister and they entertained us by playing such wonderful
games as 'Run Around The Bushes Really, Really Quickly' and 'Woof' and

'Who's Got The Toy - Me! - Give It back! I Want It - Can't Have It! - Give It Back Now! - You'll Have To Catch Me First Slowcoach'. He was so sweet that I came very close to dognapping him. And isn't dognapping the easiest crime to get away with? All you have to do is wave a bit of cheese-rind in front of him and he's all yours! Dognapping - it's safe and easy.

This is the beautiful harbor entrance at Porthleven. I'd not been here before and sadly it was a little too early to have a pint on the quayside (it was a St. Austell brewery pub as well so you know there's Tribute to be had in there) so I had to settle for a pasty. As delicious as Cornish pasties are (very) I can never enjoy them when I'm outside. I'm always too afraid that a seagull will swoop down and try to wrestle it from my grip. As I defend myself the gull pecks at my eyes, breaking my glasses and quickly blinding me. It's claws rake across my arms and face as it screeches it's shrill battle cry. As the mighty wings flap in the air a small boy is knocked over the edge of the harbor wall, mother screaming as father dives in to save the child. Panic everywhere as seagulls descend from the skies attacking any human that they can find. People run to their cars and try to drive away but the gulls are shattering the windscreens with their razor sharp beaks and the cars smash into shop-fronts and plow through the terrified tourists before gracelessly dropping over the harbor edge. The bay runs red with the blood of man....
So I usually just get an iced lolly.
This time I threw the last third in a bird-proof litter-bin just so I could smirk at the idiot gulls who suddenly had to pretend that they weren't following me after all.

Here's me with my wonderful sister and niece.
(photograph taken by nephew)
I like the way my sister gamely tried to hang the wet clothes and towels out to dry. You're in Cornwall woman! Not a chance. Also, see how Mia is holding a little stick? That's a barbecue skewer and she'd been poking them in the hot barbecue coals all evening once the food was cooked. The first day they arrived I was a nervous wreck around the kids, trying to protect them from every potential accident and envisaging broken bones and slashed limbs at every turn. After the second day she could have been juggling flaming knives for all I cared. Parents of the world I salute you! Your bravery, determination to try and enjoy yourselves no matter what and sheer I-Don't-Care-What-You're-Doing-Just-Let-Me-Read-My-Book!ness should be admired by us all. So she's waving a red hot stick around and whatever.

I took this one on my second to last day as I went
on a lovely cliff-top stomp. I started at Godrevy beach and walked along the coast path taking any little turning I fancied. I soon stumbled upon this little gem of a beach and I was desperate to get down there. It was only about 30 meters across (as opposed to Hayle beach which measures about 3 miles in length!). So I tried to walk down the "path" but I just couldn't risk it. I'd had a few beers the night before and my sense of balance wasn't feeling that great. The path was on a steep slope and one slip or misplaced step would send you tumbling down the cliff-side before being dashed to death on the rocks below. So I thought I'd wait until next year when I can set up some sort of rope system or perhaps be air-dropped onto the sand. I will sit on that beach!

(note - isn't "dashed to death" a wonderful phrase. Like extreme sprinting. Stupid sprinters. I hate runners. Oh, sorry, that's racist. Zing!)
(note 2 - I've struggled to raise the nerve to tell that joke for some time now. I'm quite sure that anyone with an ounce of sense would see that it's a play on words, as in "race" sprinting rather than "race" of people but I always worry that some folk won't see that and will think I'm making a bigoted remark about the prevalence of black runners in the athletics world like I'm some kind of assh*le. I mean I am but not that kind. Ok? We cool? Good.)
(note 3 - I'm now more aware than ever that sometimes it's better to just shut your mouth and keep it shut.)

After the cliff-top stomp I went for a drive around, just getting happily lost and mooching about. I had to park up and investigate these old ruins. The National Trust or Heritage Association or some other excellent bunch had put up these wonderfully presented and endlessly informative metal plaques with photograghs, diagrams and a detailed history of the mines, pressing plants, equipment used and the significance of the tin-mining industry to the local and national economies. I think this ruin was something to do with metal stamps. I don't know, I couldn't be bothered to read it. What am, back at school again? Great place for a party though.

And here is my palace of comfort. I must say I was very impressed with how it stood up to some of the worst weather I've witnessed in my life. Of course you expect a bit of tastyness being half a mile from the West Cornish beaches but seriously! Gale-force winds and constant rain, often for two days non-stop. My sister's tent didn't fare so well and was really buckling under the strain. Other tents on-site were simply destroyed by the weather, poles snapped and tents flung about like rag-dolls. My little one was fine though. Bone dry, tight ropes, nice and warm. And a super-comfy bed as well. Lovely.
(Yeah, we Brits know about surviving harsh weather! "My tent poles were completely snapped and the tent was just flapping around in the wind. I had to rent a smaller tent and stay at the completely opposite end of the campsite for TWO WHOLE NIGHTS before I could get another tent sorted out." Crybaby! I met a drunk idiot in the pub over the road who hadn't checked his new tent and after getting hammered before setting it up realised there were no tent-pegs. He had to sleep with it wrapped it around himself like a poncho and we all know how stupid those are. He spent the afternoon calling me dude, buying me pints of beer and trying to persuade me to travel by bus to party in Newquay. Only one of these things is good.)

Talking of good, it's Isambard Kingdom Brunel everybody! I love the Tamar Bridge because I always think, just for a second, that we're allowed to drive over the enormous archway pipe bit that you can see here.
That would be awesome.
And yes, taking photographs whilst driving is very dangerous and I will never do it again. Likewise, using a mobile telephone, fixing a stupid, broken mobile telephone, drumming 'Telegraph Road' by Dire Straits on the steering wheel, making a sandwich, playing the guitar and practicing origami. Sorry mum.

So this is me after I'd spent two hours setting up camp on the first day. NOT having just woken up (as suggested by some), rather full of energy and enthusiasm for the exciting times ahead.
And full of beers from the case in the back of the tent.
On the right you can just about see the end of my Farnborough Town FC 2003 FA Cup Tour scarf which was proudly strung between my tent and the flagpole.
Flagpole? I hear me pretend you ask?

Yes, flagpole. (clever that huh?)
It's the flag of the Philippine Islands (in a state of peace, red on top is war - that would come later...........) which I bought of that internet a few days before I left. It's a very public private joke which worked a treat. And it also looked beautiful blowing in the wind. Funny thing about the flag is that whenever I took it down during the really strong storms it would look utterly depressed, all wet and dirty on the floor, lonely and useless. But the very second you put it up it's all joy and happiness.
What made me laugh especially was the reaction of the other campers. Quite a few people would stop and ask me what the flag was and when I told them they'd all go "Ahhh! Of course, the Philippines, of course!" and slap their foreheads, etc. Like that was on the tip of your tongue Mr Vexillogist. Stroll on.

And if you're going for a stroll you might like to go for a wander on the mighty Hayle beach. (is this like some awful 80s travel show?, all cheesy links and idiotic presenters? is it?) It's massive right? I did have a bit of time on this beach but was driven away by a small child who was walking around issuing a high-pitched scream every thirty seconds. So I left the beach because it annoyed me. Can you imagine? Three miles of sand and I have to go to a completely different beach because of one child? But it was the whole experience that did it. I mean he was just wandering around screeching. Not in distress or pain, just for something to do. Little f*cker. Anyway, you'd be surprised how many strange looks a man with a beard and a backpack gets just by staring in hateful anger at a screeching child on a public beach. It's not like I had a hunting knife in my backpack.*

* it was in my tent with the night-vision goggles

Anyways, this beach was kind of too big for me. Perfect for practitioners of surfing, paragliding and any other sport where you strap a parachute to your back or a piece of wood to your feet and let the elements do what they will with you. Not for me. Parachutes are for escaping and pieces of wood are for hitting screeching children.

(note - I do not endorse hitting children with pieces of wood. A bit of hosepipe, that's what you want. Nah, I'm kidding. Hitting children is wrong. You want to kick them, that's what you want to do. No, no I'm just joking. Any form of physical torture towards children is a terrible thing and certainly no laughing matter. Mental torture, on the other hand, now that's........ )

Found this on the first night as I went for a stroll across the sand dunes to find the ocean. The perspective is funny here because to my eye it could be any size you imagine. I think it looks like you could step from one bit to the other. Of course they're flipping massive and I was stood on the edge of a big cliff.
Note-to-self: You are boring me now.

Ah, this is a railway line thingy that ran behind the garden of a pub in Angarrack. It was one of those pubs that's just full of crap. I mean good crap. Like on the walls there was a pair of bagpipes next to a gas-mask next to some old-fashioned skis next to a trombone, etc, etc. The theme seemed to be 'Can We Attach It To The Wall?" and I kind of liked it.
The landlord was a huge, bearded man who never
seemed to stop racing around the pub talking and laughing with his customers and whenever I went to the bar he'd call me "my boy" "my friend" - simple customer service stuff really but I liked it. I felt very comfortable there. So go to the Angarrack Inn in erm.........Angarrack for great food and lovely company. I can especially recommend the lambs liver with creamy mash and vegetables.

For my birthday my niece and nephew gave me a kite (along with some gemstones and a bottle of wine - how did they know?!). My first kite in about 22 years. We tried to get it going over on the sand dunes but I just couldn't seem to figure it out. I kept tying and retying the string to different parts of the kite and changing the way it was put together but still it wouldn't work. I felt like a failure as an uncle. So later on when the Karate Kids weren't taking up all of the space in the play-field practicing their sets (idiots! Shut up Karate Kids. Ow. Ow. Stop kicking me Karate Kids. Your a girl!! You can't punch m...ow... ) we simply held the kite out, jumped it into the air and it was off. It stayed up there for about forty-five minutes and after a while I realised that my six year old niece was a better kite-flier than I'll ever be so I left them to it. Smart-Alec kids! She's not even looking at it. Before long she was doing basketball tricks, threading it under her feet and doing spins and stuff. Hmph. Stupid kite.

So this is my very camp barbecue and deckchair. Might go some way to explaining those funny looks I mentioned. People just seem to think that a lone man with a beard, a deckchair and a turquoise barbecue who is humming 'Cheek To Cheek' by Fred Astaire has some sort of agenda.

Another pub stop that me and the folks made was at a place called The Watermill which is situated somewhere between St. Ives and Hayle.

I can't remember. I had a lovely pint of Sharps Doom Bar and we sat in the garden. Suddenly the waterwheel started up and soon a guy came out and poured cooking oil over the gears or cogs or something. Amazing thing to watch was the wheel. It kind of made you feel happy, thirsty, seasick, tranquil and like you needed a wee all at the same time. Some kind of magic I'll wager. Menu looked good as well so I'll try to get back to this one.

This is Hells Mouth.
A rather ominous title wouldn't you say?
I believe that it's a favorite spot for suicide jumpers to end their days as death is bankable on the craggy rocks below. I must say that I couldn't go too close to the edge of the cliff here. There seemed to be some ethereal voices around me, swooping and diving with the gulls, forces like unseen magnets drawing you in the desired direction. Years worth of sorrow and contemplation filled the air like a tangible, weighted mass as I stared, hypnotized at the small patch of grass at the cliffs edge where those poor souls felt the answer lay one step ahead. And as the very land and sea called out to me in it's haunted song I felt strangely pulled toward the.................. Hells Mouth Cafe & Gift Shop!
Get in!
Who needs all that phony-baloney, anguished self-analysis when you get a Fab lolly for under 80p!?!?!?! Not me my friend, not me. I'm more than comfortable with my own OCD based neurosis, nihilistic disrespect for humanity and subconscious fear of rejection thank you very much. Mmmmm mmmmm Fab lollies are ace.

Well that's about it I guess. I mean there are another 143 photographs but I figured you've probably got the gist of it. The last picture is of the beautiful Godrevy lighthouse. This building typifies my childhood memories of Cornwall. My Grandfather used to paint pictures of it. I'd always wonder what type of people would give up their shore-lives to live on a rocky outcrop, whether the goal of averting shipwrecks and saving lives was the primary reason for living there or whether they just wanted to get away from the rest of us, what it was like inside, how lonely an existence would it be and whether or not you could focus the light to lazer-burn planes out of the sky.
And it's just as mystifying and secretive to me now.
Except it's solar powered.
And unmanned.
And who cares.
And no, lights can't lazer-burn planes out of the sky. For a start the light is probably on a fixed level and even if it is adjustable I doubt if it can be moved up to a high enough angle. Also, it's never going to be powerful enough. The best you'd be able to manage would be to dazzle a hang-glider. Lights and lazers are probably different things anyway. I just don't know alright?

So at the very least I've made you all aware of just how interesting our vegetable patch is in comparison with my holiday photos.
Right?

BB

Honkjazz The Allotment - Part 13 (Time for An Update)

2008-07-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since we last spoke....

Here is a summary to kick things off:

1) The last bed has been finished!! Huzzah and double huzzah! It was decided there and then that more carrots and spring onions would be the order of the day.

2) Each crop baring the first lot of spring onions is going crackers (there growing well) as opposed to mental (running round in circles talking to themselves) which is a completely different ailment entirely.

3) There is no blight on the spuds. However the lettuces have been devoured by an unknown evil (slugs) (or possibly mice as was pointed out yesterday by a fellow plot holder)

4) We are coming towards our first harvest but also nearer the potential for ultimate crop failure...... we must be vigilant!!!!

Here's a more indepth analysis of the last few weeks:

1) I would show you a pciture of the last bed to be completed but i don't have one which is a shame. But, to set the scene there are spring onions and carrots. The spring onions are already showing the early signs of breaking through the soil and showing themselves whereas the carrots are a thouroughly more cowardly bunch by staying out of sight. Also one side of the bed is made up of a headboard that has been cut in two (you get the picture or not). In the future i'll just take photo's, it's a damn sight easier.

2) Here actually is some pictures of stuff going crackers in a purely vertical out of the ground towards the sky type move....

I would at this point like to raise a point which has been a mystery ever since yesterday when i came across it..... The runner beans that you can see above are in the same bed as the one's below........

So why? on god's green earth are the ones above doing so much better than the ones' below. Answers on a postcard please..

3) Thank god we don't have blight but i am aware that the dreaded "B" can strike at anytime so fingers are remaining crossed even at the risk of severe arthritis in old age. The lettuces however have fallen foul to the variety of demons that are just waiting for an opportunity to weild there axe of doom (like i said slugs or maybe mice). Here is an illustration of the carnage but please make sure you are of strong stomach as the facts are frankly disgusting......

But we will not be beaten and lettuces with flourish one day down old honkjazz way (i hope as i really like lettuce and they are getting really expensive along with other well known food type's that is being well documented....... sorry i digress)

4) and now we are bang up to date and you can rest assured that the good fight is being fought. Netting has been put over the latest carrots and onions to give them a fighting chance and the runner beans who are showing some signs of under hand tactics by mother nature have been installed with the latest in anti pest control. (poor i know but cd's do work and it's recycling to boot!!)

So the way forward is clear. Harvest time is upon us but there is still opportunity for "old MN" to right royaly kick us in the arse. The next few weeks will be key to ensuring that the honkjazz massive have plates a plenty of loverly home grown produce.

Also in other news BB has been camping in what can be described as the wettest two weeks this summer (i'm sure we'll more about this in the not too distant future)

And Herb was diddled on a shed via the mother of all time wasting shed botherers

Roger and out...

honkjazz The Allotment - Part 12

2008-06-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

Saturday 31st May, 2008

During the week H and I had popped along to the site after work (ahem) for a few hours to chip away at bed number 7. It was kind of imperative that we got that finished because the runner beans in our little plastic greenhouse shelving thing (What?! Do you know what it's called?) were going bonkers. Well half of them were. The half on the bottom shelf were screaming upwards with an abundance of healthy leaves. The half on the top shelf just couldn't be bothered to even split their shells. Shut up lazy seeds.
So by the time Saturday came around we only had the final 1/8 of the plot to dig. The weather was playing with us a bit but the showers were only gentle ones. Until the last forkful had been turned over and sifted through, then the heavens opened. So we quickly knocked up a border and scarpered for it. Herb went off to the nearest local nationwide DIY chain store (damn your convenience and brightly colored advertisements!!) to get some bamboo canes and some more carrot and spring onion seeds and I went to H&S' smallholding to collect some manure for the runner bean trench.
I had so much fun as well. I love getting all mucky and working with dirt and poo and compost and timber. It's my favorite thing. I was covered in manure and stank like a pig's arse and part of me wanted to smear feathers and blood across my chops and pop up to Evil Monolith Tescoverlord to wander around the meat section for a bit. You know.
Good Lord, I actually think about this stuff.
So I filled up ten bags of pig manure and drove back. By the time Herb had returned I was just finishing off the bean trenches before filling them with the manure and covering them over.
Alas we didn't have enough bamboo so we whizzed down to the local garden centre and grabbed the rest there. And now we know that they accept cards we'll try to shop there as much as we can because it's all local and that init?

Anyways, we done made this.
Looks ace doesn't it? When you stand at the top of the plot and look down it's amazing just how much the feel of the place has changed now. The simplest of structures adding new points of focus I guess. We love it.

So that was about the extent of our work on Saturday. Just as we finished planting the last of the runner beans the sky opened up and it chucked it down again. Well done us!
And Dad's signposts are still making me chuckle (although we're short of a Potato, a Garlic, a Chives, a Lettuce, two Spring Onion and a Carrot - these retired folk think they can just sit around on their Aris' all day. There's work to be done. You don't see us lot sat about all day on our backsides, lounging around in the sunshine doing nothing do you?!?!?)

Sunday 1st June, 2008

Wukka Wukka.
Today we decided that the previous days work was well enough to reward ourselves in this fashion. Some may say that we're just sat around
on our backsides in the sunshine doing nothing all day. Well, I'm not sat down alright!?! That's Suz, Herb's infinitely better half. She totally brought it with the wet-wipes which I for one would have gone mad without. It's one thing to have a man who's clothes are smeared in pigsh*t eating a burger with grease running through his stupid beard but it's another thing entirely to have said man walk around holding his greasy paws in front of him dripping meat-juice everywhere, fingers splayed, looking like Edward Burgerfat-Hands.
So cheers for the wet-wipes Suz.
They always represent with the wet-wipes don't they, the girls? Is it part of the Girl Constitution?
1) You must always answer a question with a question.
2) You must always save information/annoyance for a minimum of two months before dropping bombs.
3) You must never look away from a pointed camera.
4) You must always carry wet-wipes.

So here's the little culinary corner.
There you can see the little plastic greenhouse shelving thing (whatever!) and also the Belfast sinks. Yeah, yeah, never mind the humans. The sweet peppers are in the left hand sink and after planting we slapped an old window over the top to give a kind of green house effect. The next sink along is the garlic which has been falling back, the leaves withering and disappearing completely. I reckon it's because of the abnormal amount of rain we've had of late. So Herb dug all of the weeds out and we slapped another window over that one as well (note - for ''slapped'' read ''gently placed with caution in the presence of a grown-up''). Let them do their thing, use up all of the moisture in the soil and we'll see what's vibing along under the surface in July. I've got a feeling that they'll be there all done and everything. Just hiding from us is all! The last sink did have the chives that Dad gave me in January. They'd died off as well so I weeded it out and in the process discovered loads of little chive bulbs in there. I figured it couldn't hurt to mix it all around and spread the bulbs around and slap the last window over the top. We'll see what happens won't we?
(note - we might have to adjust some of the angles of the sinks a bit because the drainage is not going towards the plug-holes - this may back up my theory of the chives and the garlic being overly moist)

So as Herbert manned the BBQ and Suz offered anyone passing by a wet-wipe I went around the edges of the plot with the shears and gave the old girl a well-needed haircut (''you look fahbulous dahlink'' - hair by Vidal Baboon) and did a bit of weeding. By the time we got to eat the green watermelon that I'd picked up (see? boys remember stuff like that!Booyah!) the plot looked lovely and we were all well stuffed and very happy.
Here's the rest.

Our kitchen and window arrangements.

The Lettuces that have survived.

The King Edwards

Them onions.

Our grub.

So all in all we had a lovely afternoon. Stuff got done but not in a real hurry. We worked on Double Reggae Time which is of course, the best time to work on. My favorite bit of the weekend was when we were trying to tie the bean frame together and I had to cling on to the cross-pole to weigh it down and keep it straight whilst Herbert struggled with the knots and I felt like a pirate on the rigging of a ship. A pirate gardener. It was brilliant. And yes, I am an idiot child.
And when we left it looked like this.....sigh....

A Very Dull Post About A Very Awesome Event

2008-06-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

When Herbert and I first came up with the concept for Mixatron 8000 it seemed like such a productive idea. The plan was to spend an entire weekend playing records, digging on the allotment, writing the genesis of a radio show demo and generally getting sh*t done. But we both knew deep down that it would end up like this...

So we didn't even say the word "radio" and it rained all weekend so we couldn't get to the allotment. What did we do? We played records, that's what. And we recorded the entire thing. Seriously, we have like about 12 hours of audio, solid mixing. Well, H did some mixing, I just played records because I'm a chump. Whatever. Actually, the audio that we havve will become radio shows in the end so I guess we did have a productive weekend. It just may not look it. Heh.
So I present, in no particular order and with enormous apologies to any members of my family that might be reading this who may have thought that I'd grown up and learned to control myself a bit, the first little sprinklings of honkstival in a photo-story style (like Look-In and that) .....

Mixatron 8000

Some records. This is on the Friday night when we were young and fresh-faced, all optimistic about the future, sure of our good work, purpose and effect. It went downhill pretty quick from here.

Herb kicked off the proceedings with a blinding selection of dirty, raucous funk that was SO GOOD that I daren't step in for fear of interrupting his mad flow. So I sat on the sidelines offering such choice jems of encouragement as "I'd play that" and "That's well good that is" and almost incessantly "Who the f*ck is this!!!!!?????". I'm sure I provided other forms of input but to be honest it became a blur pretty quick on.

Here's a shot of more records and stuff. We were recording the entire thing into some computer brainengine that's been designed using science and magic and stuff so we have a complete record of the proceedings. I dread to listen back to it to be honest. H played such a blinder of an opening 90 minutes that I couldn't even remember what records were.
Whatever.

Anyway, as you can see, there's a few records about.
Lovely eh?

There's the boy himself spinning the platters that matter. Seriously, it was an awesome demonstration of funk styles. He really hit the zone and just mashed out blaster after blaster. I was more than happy to sit on the sidelines and listen to the music. Also, I'd have only messed it up by playing Full Force or The Coconuts or something.

Here's me before I've even looked at a record let alone tried to follow the master. Yeah, it got worse. Hmmm, you know where things are heading when you take 62 photographs of your beard. And think they're all brilliant.
Fortunately for me Herb turned the funk masterclass into an electro hip-hop beast before offering me the spot. That was a bit closer to where I wanted to be so I grabbed that one.
And no, the photos don't get any better. In fact we only looked at the camera on the Friday night. Because really, we're not going to look any better than we do at this point. I know, it's depressing right?

So there I am trying desperately to remember how record decks work, what records are, how to mix, what a mixer is and where I am. I tried to play a selection of electronic musics that are designed to make you appreciate olives and coffee tables and Farrow & Ball paint all the more.

I'm not sure what this picture is about. It's either the exact moment that Herbert turned into a string of tiny red lights or I caught the record deck's tracer lights (or whatever the hell they're called). Once, twice, trice - whatever.

Herbert had started pumping out some banging house and 2-step by this point. And we all love a bit of that. Come on, admit it you terrible schlubs!!

And here he is.

So on Saturday we had a big, fat fry-up, a couple of beers in the pub and got cracking again. I played a nifty little drum & bass set, Herb played some cracking funky house, I played some abstract hip-hop and H played some dub heavy beats. This does no justice at all to the scope of musical genres that we covered. Everything came out, 60s psych-rock, acid-techno, live jazzbient pretentiobeat, African soul-step, movie schmoovies, everything. And at 4:45am on Sunday we finally switched the decks off knowing that we had a beautiful haul of material to edit into honkjazz radio shows, honkjazz mixes and three hour long honkjazz ringtones.
Just you wait.

So it's goodnight from me...

And it's goodnight from him.

Help There's a Pasty Tramp Stealing Our Potatoes!

2008-05-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

(HW)There isn't actually a tramp stealing our spuds, it's just Mr Banks carrying on the never ending Battle To The Death And Beyond between weed and man. (I would like to say at this point that the honkjazz massive has no opinion on tramps so there).

The kestrel's (2nd Earlies) are well on there way and looking healthy. I have to say that the weather extremes that the south west is experiencing now are playing right into our muddy hands as it seems to be pushing the growth of everything on site along at a major pace, but more of that later...

Yeah. (BB)

Just kidding. Like H says, the weather is a bit of a double edged sword at the moment. On the one hand the massive rain attack we've had over the last couple of weeks has given the vegetables enough Water - The Juice Of Life, Creation & Tasty Beverage Also (Tm) to give them a lovely kick in the ass but it means that we can't get up there to finish the 2nd carrot/spring onion bed and the runner bean bed/trench/swamp/whatever. I don't care. Deal with it.

(honkstival billing idea: "If the honkjazz djs could play funkyass house, electro, lovegroove, broken bat-deepstep then they'd probably do it between 12am and 2am.")

(HW) Ok so back to the veg in hand or in the ground depending on where you're sat. The beautiful green shoots of life you can see are the wonderful Sturon onions. These little blighters have been exceeding all expectations by actually growing out of the ground!!

But there is one fear in my mind that keeps nagging and that is what we do if the onions get sick....

I jest but it's a real fear...... (I know it's a picture of a pumpkin but i like the image!)

Anyway the potatoes are going great guns and the onions are almost ready for eye watering (??!!) world domination.
And on a final note i must say that the Mixatron 8000 proved to be as Brazil said "Awesome" more to come on that subject....

honkjazz The Allotment - Part 11

2008-05-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday 10th May, 2008

So this weekend it was Clash Of The Titans!!

Us on the left, weeds on the right.

(and yes, I do think it is the funniest thing ever to pitch Mother Nature as Thunderlips:The Sexiest Man In The Universe out of Rocky III.)

As mentioned before, we'd enlisted the help of The Dreadnoughts in the mission to strim the living sh*t out of our overgrown plot.

Here is our overgrown plot as it stood on Saturday morning. It's a nightmare right? Although, as Harry The Pig-Sh*t Wizard said "If the weeds are growing then your ground is good." and he's either right or addled by zider. One is certain.
I arrived at the plot at 10:30am and started clearing all of our kit onto the shed base (useless patio) so The Dreadnoughts could get where they needed to get to. Upon moving our pile of tools I jumped out of my skin as a deadly poisonous viper hissed at me from the undergrowth. Really, I did squeal like a little girl. "Ahhh, snake!" I cried. "Slow-worm." said Old John's wife across the fence. Ron wandered over (Rondered?) from the next-door plot and picked up the writhing mess of venom (I would have done it but I was too busy cowering behind a 5ft dock weed) and sure enough it was a pair of mating slow-worms. I apologised for the interruption and they were gently placed in the next door plot so they wouldn't get strimmed to death because I can't think of a worse passion killer than being attacked by a giant strimmer mid-tryst. Really, you'd have to be some kind of a low down snake in the grass to try and get some action after such a traumatic event. One of the slow-worms had the most wonderful blue markings along it's flanks and I'm gutted that I'd left my camera at home because they really were beauiful. Found another one under the water-butt lid as well.
On his way out Ron found more evidence of the local inhabitants.

It's a little mouses love nest. What the hell are we running here, some kind of sleazy wildlife hook-up motel?
So after all of the neighbors had oohd/aahd/eekd
at the slow-worms and I'd oohd/aahd/eekd at the
mouses nest I finished moving everything out of the way. Herbert turned up at about mid-day and we told The Dreadnoughts that we were off to a popular-nationwide-DIY-chain-store and that they could start whenever they wanted or wait until we returned. Upon our return we could see them huddled over a wildly spluttering machine. I feared that they wouldn't be able to fix the strimmer but it turned out that they'd already finished the job! And all for the price of some cans of Nelson (Mandela - Stella).

It was a super-hot day, easily the best weekend of scorching sunshine this year and perfect weather for gardening. We raked up the loose cuttings and dumped them on the compost heap before marking out the final four beds which we then dug over in the roughest of fashions, just to establish the spaces and let the weeds know that they were On Our Turf! (fish in a barrel!). Herb also went around the borders of the plots and the pathway with the RoundUp like some Harbinger Of Doom!!!!! Wonderful housekeeping H.

Unbelievable right? H and I kept wandering around muttering about how awesome it was before Herb had to disappear at about 4pm.
I cracked open a cold beer turning the plot into some strange gymnasium/pub hybrid.
Music was needed and the little red radio proved it's worth with some cracking Radio 3 jazz. And WHAT A SHOW it was. Yeah, maybe I was getting a little toasted. Certainly a little sunburned. But whatever, man. The music was excellent and helped the whole operation tick along nicely. My dad would have been in heaven.

Here's a little shot of the table.

Herbert reappeared at about 6:30pm and we retired to the social area for some light refreshments. Things got pretty merry and by 8:30pm we found ourselves giggling away about something or other like stupid idiots. Which was a completely inappropriate moment to meet our allotment neighbor-to-the-left for the first time. God knows what we were laughing about when she arrived but we must have looked a sorry state, two grown men listening to 50s crooner music, surrounded by empty beer cans, tears of laughter falling from our eyes. Things only got worse when we wondered what would her blog entry would be like ("Visited the plot at 8:30pm to see my neighbors rolling around like two stupid fools. Thank Christ I didn't bring my kids up to the plot tonight......"). This just made us both fall apart even more and she didn't look too impressed. Heh. Whatever.

I struggle to convey just how wonderful this day was. Loads of amazing work was done and the weather was so perfect. The laughter was constant. The Radio 3 jazz show was just immense and I'm sure that the distant cheers from the cricket pitch were perfectly timed with the end of every jazz drum solo or horn crescendo. Perhaps it was the beers and the sunshine after all. Still, it was the best afternoon and we really should have more like it. Which leads us to..............

Sunday 11th May, 2008
Wow! How do you top a day like that. A day that was more creative and productive and foolish and totally awesome than the honkjazz allotment has ever seen before? Well you do it all again, that's how. So on Sunday I drove into Exeter to pick up some Freecycle good stuff (useless cr*p) and then went to Herb's to chop up some doors and timber. I left H to eat his lunch and headed back to the plot to dig. The afternoon sun was so blasting that I had to strip to the waist as I worked (heee and indeed urgh). Hear that H? That's the sound of a few mice clicking AWAY from this page!

It was only a matter of time before my naked torso attracted the attention of the local birds.
(fish in a barrel my friend, fish in a barrel)

This little creature danced around bed number 5 plucking a few worms and bugs and stuff. Nice to meet you whatever the hell type of bird you are. H turned up and we got stuck into the 5th bed but the weather was just too nice and the vibes were just too good to really push ourselves as we had the day before.

We did manage to finish of the compost bin with the newly chopped bits of door that we'd snagged from the building site next to H's place. We used one half as a front and one half as a lid. We love it.

Anyways, H chipped off at about 6pm leaving me with a case of beers and a gorgeous evening to work through. And that's what I did. The only excitement came when I was walking up the hill with a full watering can only for my boot laces to catch on each other's lace loops sending me flying into the dirt face first. And it totally had nothing to do with the beers that I'd taken. No really, it didn't. I tried to move my right leg but nothing was giving. It was probably broken. Lightning bolts of pain shot through me as I struggled to get to my feet only to collapse under the weight of agony. Splintered cartilage spiked from my kneecap, grinding against open flesh. Blood coursed down my right shin as I flailed across the site, crashing into bushes and fences, legs giving in to blinding pain, consciousness fading fast. As the blood leaked from my body I started to see white flashes in front of my eyes. Feeling the crows of death flutter nearby I managed to crawl back to the plot, a trail of shattered bone and blood left in my wake.

These things always look a lot worse before you've cleaned them up right?
Other highlights of the weekend included listening to my beloved Everton FC qualify for UEFA Cup football next season by beating the hapless Newcastle to clinch 5th spot in the Premiership and Bob/John (still not sure which is which) donating 13 icy gemberg lettuce things. What? I don't know! Anyway, I planted those up and they looked pretty cool.
So the weekend was basically:
a) Totally cool
b) Totally hot
c) Football magic
d) Drenched in blood

Later on I'd think that the sign of the crucifix had appeared in my knee cut like it sometimes does in Mexico or wherever. You know? The face of Jesus is found inside a mango or something? Turned out to be an imprint from the sofa that I was kneeling on. I'd briefly entertained the notion of selling Holy Vegetables Grown From The Sacred Soil blah blah. Oh well.

So after the disappointment of that I had to look back on the weekend in awe. The plot was transformed from a complete battlezone which was really starting to get us down into a mapped out allotment, ready for action, propelled into the next stages of development. New foods were planted. Music was listened to. Stunts were executed. Wildlife was discovered. Good vibes were felt. Neighbors were laughed at. Football was ace. And progress was felt. That's it. Progress.

So we win.

(I don't mind which one you pick Herb. I'm cool in yellow or red. I mean Rock has the smallest shorts, I don't know if that effects your choice......)

Bring. It. On.

2008-05-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

So I've just returned from one of the most confusing allotment experiences I've ever had. The weekend that Herb and I first walked on-site was a confusing allotment moment. We wandered around in amazement trying to figure out exactly what we'd taken on. The mixture for me was about 36% sheer dread, 33% complete excitement and 45% hay-fever. And that extra 14% is a bitch when you haven't got any tissues. Whatever.
Today was a bit like that for me.

I got back from work and headed straight up to the plot with a 4-pack of beers under my arm, bumping into The Dreadnoughts on the way who said "You've got the right idea, son!". I smiled.
So Herbert joined me and the confusion of emotions started.

Good Times: The sun was shining and it was a beautiful evening. At 6pm in May, when the sky is bright and the air is warm, England is as magical a place to be as anywhere else. It was truly wonderful - the bird-song, green spaces, flowers blooming, vegetables creaking into life, insects buzzing. Simply perfect. We drank a couple of beers and smoked a little into the evening sun. And yes I KNOW I'm supposed to be on a health kick but really, who could begrudge a man a beer and a smoke in such lovely situations as these? No-one? Good.

Bad Times: The recent weather has had strong effects on the honkjazz allotment. The potatoes, onions, raspberry canes, etc are doing very well thank you very much.
And so are the weeds. Really, the place has gone ballistic in the last two weeks. We've had brief spells of rain followed by brief spells of sunshine followed by rain, then sun, then rain, etc, etc. Which means that everywhere apart from the dug out beds (numbering four) have become completely overgrown with weeds, docks, creeping thistles and triffids. It's a terrible place to find ourselves because now we have to decide what to do with the other half of the plot.
Ideally we'd like all eight plots dug out in the next six weeks so we can fill them with swede, cauliflower, runner beans, carrots and whatever else we fancy. But the overgrowth is so extreme that there's no way we can dig. So the plan is.........

Have another beer and sit down to smoke wistfully for a bit..................

We have a two part plan. First we use the strimmer on the plot borders, around the relaxation area and all over the bottom half of the plot. We'll then use Round-Up all over the place - around the bed borders, in between the Belfast sinks, along the pathways, etc. That will take care of that invasion. Then we need to tackle the bottom half of the plot. I'd love to do it all by hand so if the newly strimmed ground is easier to dig (because tonight it was so thickly overgrown it was impossible) then we'll do that. If it's too late and the weeds have intertwined below ground level so much that we can't break them with the fork then we'll treat the entire bottom half of the plot with the chemical juice.
I guess that propels us into the organic vs evil chemical warfare argument but I don't think we really care. We'll be as organic as we like.
Deal with it.

After Herb left I wandered around the allotment site to see what everyone else was up to. At the top end I met a chap called Paul who shares the plots with The Dreadnoughts. After a brief chat he kindly offered his strimming services this weekend.
It's on.
With the help of Paul we're determined to make a good old dent in the ground.
I may well fashion some Mexican wrestling masks for H and I, just to strike the fear of Fray Tormento into the b*stard weeds!
In the immortal words of Apollo Creed.
Ding.
Ding.

SpudStep Arrives at the Honkjazz Allotment

2008-04-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ah tis true, the weather has been playing cruel tricks on the fortunes of the allotment of late. But progress has been steady and lead in the right direction by Brazil (herb - doffs cap).
On a more positive note the kestrel variety of potato has gone into the ground as our 2nd earlie crop. The technical aspect which has been mentioned was applied via the spacing of 10cm between each one. I would like to say this was done by space age measuring techniques but alas it was the power of sight and instinct that won through. This is in no small part down to the fact that the majority of friendly advice that has been given seems to sway toward "put it in the ground and see what happens" but you must remember "regular visits" "close attention" and "if you're not growing whats the point" has enabled me to reach a balance, hence the fact that the seeds were not just thrown on the ground.

So - Kestrel Potatoes are in the ground and beginning the long and winding road towards the dinner plate (we hope)
SpudStep has arrived........

And then there are the onions. Sturon is the variety and they have been lovingly placed with just the tops showing........ I've been reliably informed that this type of onion is a good all rounder and hardy to boot which is great considering this is the first attempt at growing onions or for that matter anything.
Progress is therefore apace despite the efforts of the british weather, although it may not be visible there are things a growing in that there ground...... We'll keep you posted as the seeds meet the ground.

To change topic it is heartwarming to see the local wildlife taking an interest in goings on and i welcome Fat Rob to the proceedings. We can only hope that he and his bird friends are avid allotmenteers and will get into the spirit by lending a wing here and there to the effort.

Back on the veg and the maincrop has been decided upon (drum roll please) it's....... Kind Edward!!
They will go in the ground in the next few weeks.
But thats enough for now.

Also if you fancy some music check out the links to the left and right. I particularly recommend the homecooked tunes (top left)
Otherwise there's shed (couldn't resist) loads of other musically Allotmenty stuff for you and yours........

Honkjazz Suffers A Lack Of News (unless you're really into musical theatre)

2008-04-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Now I know how they feel on Sky News when there really is frack-all going on. The weather has been so poor down here that practically nothing has been done on the plot for weeks now. It seems as though the elements have something of a rude-boy sense of humor. The weekdays have been glorious. Looking out of the office window at clear blue skies, blasting sunshine and people wandering around without a care in the world.
And the weekends?
Rain.
Rain.
Sleet.
Snow.
Rain.
Rain.
Cold.
Rain.
B*ll*cks.

We did get up the allotment a couple of weeks ago, during a rare moment of NOT COLD RAIN and managed to plant some potatoes and some onions. I'll let Herb explain exactly what varieties of vegetable we planted because I can't remember. Deal with it.
So Herbert planted them vegetables.
In the ground. It was a proud, proud moment.
The team is sound. We work well.
See? Like Cagney & Lacey, Statler & Waldorf, Touche & Dum Dum.
I would post the pictures of H popping the FIRST THINGS EVER into the ground that aren't the raspberry canes or the gooseberry cuttings but I'm not allowed for legal reasons. And no, that isn't a poor attempt to hide my pitiful photographic skills. I'd never hide my pitiful photographic skills. I know how much y'all love them!

Whatever.

The boy done good. And now the science part is his. I'm just the schlepper. Herbert is the real brains. And remember, go and listen to/download/dance to his mad mixes.
Good.

So last weekend was in my sights. Oh yeah. We'd already filled up three of the finished plots and still had a whole bag of Something Or Other potatoes left to plant so I needed to get my skates on. And Saturday it rained all day long so that was another one lost.
When I woke up on Sunday it was good. I decided to beat the weather and start early. At 1pm (hee) I started to dig the SuperStrong weeds that had appeared in the perfectly weeded plots. Yeah, thanks for that Mother Nature.
Anyway, I had to get stuck into the last bit of plot 4 because Herb has got the seeds ready and time won't hang around but I wasn't feeling too good to be honest. The day before had been so rainy and dreary that I actually got out of bed at 10am, put on my dressing gown and didn't take it off FOR THE ENTIRE DAY AND NIGHT. And it was totally awesome. Seriously, I spent about 16 hours in a dressing gown and felt great about it.
I planted my fork into the ground and felt a wave of lethargy flood over me. I turned the earth over (just about) and was ready to give in if I'm being honest with you. I just had no energy or passion for the whole thing.
As I looked at the newly broken clump of earth I contemplated going back to bed. Bed. Warm bed. Duvet. Bed. Warm. Rest. Bed.
And then.............

He'd popped along to see if he could have some fresh worms. To my utter amazement he sat on my boot. It was a really beautiful moment. A Red Robin sat on my shoe. He (might be a she) looked up at me and I gave him the nod so he helped himself to a few worms and bugs. When I took this photograph on my phone Rob (as I call him/her/it) was about 2 ft away from me. He hopped around plot number 4 for a bit, completely oblivious to me before fluttering off to feed his/her kids/birdies/whatever. All of a sudden I felt the energy. I mean it folks, I felt the buzz. Suddenly I was ready for action, full of beans, nothing could stop this digging machine! My mission was clear! I had to plow on! Had to meld with the earth, with nature, with the elements. Complete my task. I had to work.
So a cup of tea and a sandwich later I was ready to go.
(like you didn't see that one coming huh?)
I started digging bed 4 again.
And, oh, hello.......

Fat Rob's back.
And again, he just hops around the plot,
flitting in between my feet, looking up at me, sadly not mistaking couch grass roots for worms (they do look very similar) and generally making me feel brilliant.
So I dug.
And dug.
And dug.

Slowly. For some reason I couldn't get a proper head of steam up but it was cool and I felt great. There were dark gray clouds on the horizon anyway so I figured I didn't have long left.

Rob came back to visit about five times in all. Each time he reappeared I'd grab my phone/camera and plant my left boot down on the freshly turned soil hoping that he'd decide to hop on again. It really was the best thing ever and I desperately wanted him to do it again. But it wasn't to be repeated.
So the 4th time Rob flew down to fetch food for the kids (like it's some avian farmer's market - plot 34 for worms, plot 11 for berries, etc) I pleaded with him. He turned his little beaky snout-beak-thing up to me and started to whistle a cheery melody.
I joined in, harmonizing beautifully and exchanging knowing and totally innocent glances at key points in the song. Looking down I saw a little, wild rabbit at my feet, he joined in on the chorus. Then a beautiful fawn bounced along and added falsetto.
Together we picked out the weeds, turned over the soil and emptied the wheelbarrow as we sang. A little dance here and there. Sh*t got done. And all to a merry, hummable and sprightly tune!
It was a great Disney moment and if Audrey Hepburn had popped up and started singing along I wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest bit. I also wouldn't have told Herbert because he'd have broken my neck in a jealous fury. I can't believe that my camera malfunctioned at that exact moment or I'd surely have recorded the event just for you.
This is the last shot I took.

Talking of Herb, he called whilst I was taking this shot. Amazingly the awful and very loud operatic ring-tone didn't bother Fat Rob at all. So Herbert asked me how long I'd be on the plot for. I looked at the slowly approaching rain-clouds in the distance. My eyes narrowed slightly as I looked at the sky around me. I took in a good lungful of air, tasting the earth and the wind, knowing what was coming and what had been. I assumed my best John-Locke-out-of-Lost-about-to-say-something-mystical-or-predict-the-weather-to-within-30-seconds look and said, "There is one hour before the rain."
The call finished. I planted my fork into the earth.
And straight away it started to rain. John Locke my ass.
Again. Like you didn't see that one coming.
So the rain sent me home. And that's that. Hopefully I'll be there this weekend, trying to work off a terrible cold. But I'll probably be in bed suffering too much. Bound to bed and sofa, looking out of the window.
While outside the sun shines........

honkjazz - The Allotment! - Part 10

2008-04-07T01:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday 5th April, 2008
(this bit has the alternative title of...)

Two Slabs Short Of A Shed
(Is how my nan probably refers to my dad)

As you can see here we're finally (nearly) ready to take delivery of a garden shed. When we find one. Damnit man, we had one so close as well. Gazumped again. Still, the effort spent schlepping these paving slabs (plus a few extra that went to my bosses garden) from the far end of Harry & Sue's orchard, all the way up the hill to the gate, was well worth it. Although I did think that my time had finally come. Like, really, I thought my arms were going tear off before I keeled over and karked it right there in the middle of the field. Anyway, thanks Harry & Sue, you are stars.

So that was Saturday morning done. After getting to the plot and laying the slabs, as above, I did some very gentle and relaxing weeding (it's not like I couldn't actually move my arms enough to even lift a cup of tea or anything. Sorry for going on about this but really, have you ever lifted a paving slab before? I refuse to believe that in the world of modern scientific miracle that we live in, where army generals can pop a missile down someone's chimney pipe from 8000 miles away, where only last week human/animal embryos were produced or something, where the crazy Japanese can make little rugby ball-shaped robots spin around and change shape in time to Justin Timberlake songs - no, I did not dream it - that they cannot make a paving slab that DOES NOT WEIGH MORE THAN I DO!). Actually, this was a bit more mellow than the weeding I did last weekend. Then I was grappling with dock roots of enormous magnitude. One of the buggers was so terrifying and evil that upon wrestling it out of the ground it grabbed the shears, chopped my hand off and said, "Brazil I am your father." - and that totally happened.

(note: If any Sci-Fi geeks are thinking of writing a spluttery e-mail to us correcting my Empire Strikes Back misquote don't bother. I KNOW that Darth Vader doesn't actually say that. I KNOW that the actual line is "No, I am your father, Luke".
Shut up Sci-Fi geeks. You'll never kiss a girl ever!)

Executive decision made: No More Horse Sh*t. And that's not me getting all cowboy on you. The amount of weeds (all of them) that were sprouting out of the top of the horse manure on plot 1 was stupid. I started off diligently pulling each shoot out by gently crumbling the soil/manure around it and teasing the offending sprout out but soon exhaustion wore my patience thin and I just smashed up the top layer of earth therefore hiding all of the weeds! Job well done I thought (they were too small to get out anyway, we'll wait until they're a bit bigger).

It's a frog.
Banging a drum.
Totally makes sense.
It doesn't have a name yet so if you can think of anything better than Devillion or Frog then please let us know. I spotted him on my bosses rubbish heap and thought he'd look great on the plot. He just looks smug. All like, "I could have told you not to use horse manure - far, far too many weeds in horse manure. Everyone knows that. You want cow manure, that's what you want, not horse manure."
Shut up frog.

After all of that I set about finishing bed number 3. It's on an awful slope so I thought I'd utilize some of the old shelving that had ended up on our timber pile to kill a few birds with. I wasn't actually killing birds with big bits of wood. But then you knew that right?
By sinking the shelves into the ground it means that the pesky weeds can't can't grow into the plot and also that the gradient of the slope is greatly reduced. I guess it's like an accidental raised bed. Whatever. That's a dumb argument that I can't be bothered to get involved with. I got enough on my plate trying to swat those stupid birds.
After that I chucked a load of pig manure in to spicy up the dance and the finished bed looks like this.

Which is nice.
Umm, that was about it for Saturday. Had a bit of a tidy up (enforcing the honkjazz ethos of "always leave the site looking better than when you first arrived") and scowled at the frog. I think I took some more pictures of stuff but it they were generally awful. Whatever.

Sunday 6th April, 2008
Managed to get to the site for a few hours before the kerazy weather decided to mess wit bizness. Started work on bed number 4. I really have to get a move on with these beds as Herb has got the seeds ready and reckons that they can all be sown straight into the ground starting ................................................................................................. ....................................................................................................................................................................
.............................................................NOW!
So it's all exciting and that but we've only got three beds finished out of eight. Gulp. We'll be fine. Here are some photographs of stuff growing and sh*t.
Garlic.

The International Shrub Of Mystery

The best of the raspberry canes.

The flowering chives.

And there's the gag, see? It's a photo of some bags of sh*t! You thought that when I said "Here are some photographs of stuff growing and sh*t." that I was just cussing the swearwords because that's how people talk now, like I was using the parlance of our time. But it is actually a photograph of some sh*t! Because that's how we roll!
(and isn't the home-made compost bin ace!)

So Herb wandered along for a gander and brought the seeds and onion set down for us to ooh and aah over. There we were stood out in the sunshine. Occasionally a cloud would cross the sky but it was a pretty nice day. There were a few clouds looming in the distance but I figured I had a good hour and a bits worth of digging before they hit us. The weather forecasts had predicted the arrival of the winter that never was the first time around for this weekend but Saturday had been glorious as well so what the hell do they.............

.........know. This photo was taken within 30 seconds of the sky turning dark grey and a mini-blizzard swirling around us. It doesn't really do it justice (and my residing-in-Canada sister will be struggling to stifle guffaws at the pathetic nature of the snow) but it was amazing how quickly the temperature dropped by like 10 degrees. A matter of seconds. Click on the picture to get a better looksee.
We stood around like the British do in bad weather but after about a minute or so it was just too frickin' cold so the day drew to a close.
But still, good work was done. And the country has something to talk about around the water coolers today because like, the elections in Zimbabwe or the anti-Chinese protests messing with the Olympic flame's route through London, etc aren't interesting at all. Actually, whilst we're on the subject, the Olympic flame had to be put on a bus at one point (St. Pauls Cathedral, I think) to protect it from the protesters. Was it a bendy-bus? A double decker? I thought they were all no-smoking now? You can't smoke a cigarette but you're allowed an Ever-Burning Symbol Of Olympic Spirit, a flaming bloody torch? What?
Bye.
BB

Herb Your Enthusiasm (May Just Save The Day)

2008-03-31T14:22:00.000-07:00

As you can probably tell this entire postette is just a flimsy excuse to crowbar in the even flimsier headline.
So the roles seem to be settling in now. Whilst H hasn't been able to help out with the heavy lifting, digging, etc he's been quietly getting his head around all of the details which can befuddle me at the best of times. I had a carefree ideal of just chucking seeds in the ground at roughly the right time of year and that was it. My motto was "Bung stuff in the ground and see what shape it comes out". But as Herbet rightly points out, if you don't go about it properly, it most probably won't. Whilst I'm in my element in the role of allotment dealer ("Pallets? You want pallets? I'll get you some pallets mate. You want the sh*t? I'll sort you out, man. What d'you want, man? Pig, cow, horse? Give me your sacks and meet me back here in......") if it were all left to me we'd just have a quaint plot and everyone would refer to me as 'The Sh*t Man' (a title which has been used before of course - I'm looking in your direction Chris French)
So I'm more than happy driving around and filling the car (Batillac) with the excrement of various animals, dragging paving slabs back and forth and back again, digging, enjoying the company of Belfast sinks and all the rest of it. And to compliment this Herbert has been getting his nose into the books and listening to some old skool knowledge ensuring that we actually get something out of it that we can eat.
So that makes me Karate to his Batfink.
And I am totally cool with that.
Increase The Peace
BB
(ps - Is it too obvious that H and I are simply using this blog to save money on text messages? It is isn't it?)

Weak But Still Totally Awesome

2008-03-28T02:42:00.001-07:00

Last night I had this dream where Herb and I started a honkjazz fanzine/club night and called them both 'The Beat Route'!
I don't know what else to say.
BB

From Vinyl Archiving to Carrots on the Windowsill....

2008-03-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

Ahoy Hoy.... Tales a plenty from The Herb currently laid up in the Limes Court recovering compound (Home).
Great to see the land has been re laid with a new look and may I say for the better.

I agree that the disclaimer was very good (not legal) but it didn't and never would overcome the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

On the brighter side of lighting this has opened a brave new world of reviews, raves and general rants about all things allotmenty and musically ( I can finally tell you about the first gig I went to and how great (crap) it was to see Gene at the cavern in all their Olympic glory, well it is the year for it).
("do you mean that you're going to rant in a musical fashion?" - BB)

Before I progress I would first like to save a few thanks (Brazil you know who you are...)
- The allotment looks sodding (gardening pun) fantastic
- The Blog now has a maturity that I hope any children I bear will show in such a small amount of time
- The original music that has appeared on the page is quite lovely

Now anyone reading this (Brazil) will be thinking that we are simply back slapping each other via the medium of blogging. This is quite untrue and factually incorrect. The sentiment is genuine and if you don't agree let us know and we can waffle for hours about a completely unrelated subject.
("nice use of the word 'waffle' there" - BB)

And now the title of this post becomes clear.

I have over the last months and years been slowly but surely archiving Brazil's rather eclectic vinyl collection. This has been possible as
a) I was given a USB turntable thingy for Xmas two years ago and
b) Brazil left a large selection of vinyl at my abode.
This couple with my prolonged lay off (more about that later) has enabled me to get my teeth into the records and archive away. I think the highlight has been coming a cross the original version of "there but for the grace of god". This was a great house tune in it's day before remixing became a lazy afterthought.
("I have no idea what record he's talking about - seems I have better taste than I thought, who knew?" - BB)
As for my prolonged lay off I can only hope that the professionals at the Hamburg Observatory for modern art may finally have found the cure.
On a more carrotty subject I've started the carrots in a little tray on the windowsill. I fear that I have not given them the best start (far too much water) but hope that by sheer will alone that they will flourish and be gracing a dinnertime in the coming months (compost at best)
In potato news we have now decided on the two types that will provide the highlight of this years potato growing schedule. I will however have to update when they arrive as I have no recollection of what we have gone for. I am sure that they will provide much potato goodness in the future.

Which leads me nicely into the mixes of the future. Tis true that an allotment based mix is in the pipeline. It is a very long pipeline so please be patient and you will get you rewards (maybe)
("Some acts confirmed so far include King Creosote, Dirty Diggers, Beanfield, Cabbageboy and Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds" - BB)
I will endeavor in the coming days to provide another mix of which could well be the greatest compilation of tuneage ever laid into digital form.
Or
It will be tunes I like and own.
Either way they are for you to enjoy and maybe even move the furniture to create a little dancefloor.

Peace out from Herb the Selector.

Finally Some Music! (albeit our own - heh heh, like you expect any more.)

2008-03-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

So we'd like to remind you that this blog DOES have a dual purpose.
1) To tell the grand and fantastic adventure of the honkjazz allotment.
(What a tale it is! You'll never believe what happens in season 3.)
2) To talk about music.
We decided to change the musical side of it. As our regular readers (Herbert) will have noticed (helped design) we used to have a single track player over on the left there. At the top. That's it. It featured songs from people that we really like. But we had always felt that it was a bit sneakish providing links (double clicking the song) to a free download of it. We did try to disable the downloadability of the songs to no avail. We weren't trying to scam them with shonky downloads c'est la vie Hooky Street. We want the artists to be supported by any of you who are decent enough to listen to them. There was even a really cool disclaimer about how we're not trying to scam them and how you should all buy their music from the little record company that released it in the first place. It was easily the most legal sounding thing I've ever seen and it was totally awesome.
But we always felt a bit snide about it.
So it's gone, along with the stupid disclaimer that was a load of rubbish anyways.
And in it's place is a player with some music that I helped make. I hope you like it.
And we've put some new weblink lists up. There's a festivals one, a record company one and an artist one. Please have a look. If you have an open mind toward music you won't be disappointed.
(you may be disappointed)

Anyways, I was going to go into each song, giving a detailed description of the instruments used, the location of recording, the ideas, the bloopers, etc.
But that really would be a step too far.

Over on the other side there is the player that's got some of Herbert's DJ mixes. He's actually more of a selector but that's another thing for another day. The mixes are downloadable and are, if I may say, quite flippin' brilliant. He'll describe them better himself but it's basically some of the fattest funk and soul you could ever want to dance to. There's also a nice sprinkling of electro, house, breaks, latin and all of the other things that are quite flippin' brilliant. Top marks H.
So go and get them.
Skill.
Hopefully this will give us a musical kick up the ass. And lets face it, if you're going to get a kick in the ass it might as well be a musical one.
Coming soon:
- mixes galore I tell you, mixes galore.
- the worlds first allotment DJ mix!! Featuring record companies such as Compost, Fence, Woodland and Worm Interface. I'm not even kidding. Perhaps it could be debuted at a small private dance party onsite with food and a bonfire (gots to love them bonfires) and whatnot. I'm sure we can rig a lead long enough to power it from my flat down the road.
That's a ridiculous idea and it will never happen.
Will it.
................

- a feature on a fantastic unsigned band each week or month or year or whatever.
- me going to go into each song, giving a detailed description of the instruments used, the location of recording, the ideas, the bloopers, etc.
- some reviews of gigs or festivals or something. No idea really. It might well take the form of reviewing a greasy that did us a nice fry up one time. I can't say right now. That's quite a good idea actually. Branch out into culinary critique. Herb?
So I hope you all get you listening ears on for this stuff. (Good lord, that was almost as bad as the whole "never look a gifthorses mouth in the ass" thing. Jeez.) And remember, if it's written in white digi-ink (or whatever the hell it's called) then it's a link to a site or something. Go clicky.

Cheers
BB

(oh yeah - the allotment. Last weekend was rained off and this weekend I have my sister and a brood of supersonic children coming to stay. If I can buy enough Dr. Pepper I might get them all buzzed up and set to work on the weeding. Could clear the whole site. Anyway, a few things have been going on involving free gifts, freecycle, free love, De La Soul and paving slabs.
Which is nice.)

honkjazz - The Allotment Part 9

2008-03-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday 1st March, 2008

David Bowie once sang "Is there life on Mars?". The answer is, of course, no. If he'd have asked "Is there life on the honkjazz allotment?" the history of pop music as we know it might have been a very different story.
And the answer would be yes.

And there ends the worst possible way I could think of to start a post.
For now.

As you can see from these pictures, things are starting to move.
There's the garlic going mad, three weeks in.

And these are the gooseberry cuttings that Bob and John gave us.
(awful picture quality noted - I'll try harder next time)

Below you can see the first shoots on the raspberry canes which were also donated by Bob and John. (awful picture again - deal with it!)

And lastly we have the chives that my father lifted from his vegetable plot in Hampshire. Do plants know where they are? Oh, by the way Papa, Bob/John (not sure which is which yet) reckons you might have Garlic Chives there.

There's also a lovely bush that a couple of our neighbors have had a go at identifying but no-one's come up with a definitive answer yet. John/Bob said it would be good to keep because then you can take the missus a bunch of flowers once in a while. Flowers apparently being more romantic than runner beans. Who knew?

So at the weekend Herbert made his triumphant return to the honkjazz allotment and walked about like a 1930s school master judging the efforts of his charges in a Harvest Festival (wishful thinking). The progress was good he said. And on that mark he spent a couple of hours burning stuff in the incinerator. Which is nice. We also started the construction of the new and improved compost bin. Although they appear to be an allotment standard, I can't help think that the pallets are letting too much heat out of the compost. I thought that heat was the key to the rotting down process? So we'll build a better bin. And I heartily enjoy my kitchen becoming a stinking paradise of bagged-up vegetable peelings, used teabags and eggshells. No really, I do. In the same way as I quite like the fact that my car stinks of pigsh*t. Again, no really, I do.
And yes ladies, I am available.
(to explain, I picked up a load of pig manure from my friends small holding, that's all, I'm not just into the smell of animal crap.)
I busied myself finishing of bed number 2 and staking in a border around it. So now we have bed number 2.

And there's bed number 1.

Once Herb had left I whizzed down the road to my bosses where I sawed a couple of old doors up and grabbed lots of rubbish and old wood to burn. I do loves me some bonfire.
So I had an ace fire, probably the best fire I've ever made. And burning couch grass weeds is a very, very (worryingly) satisfying thing to do.
And that was the end of the day. I'm not kidding when I say that I probably spent like two and a half hours tending the fire.
Again, ladies.............

Sunday 2nd March, 2008
So today I started off by finishing the new compost bin. I think it looks ace. It's made from old doors. One I found in a skip, one was in my bosses garden rubbish pile and the last two halves (which will be attached by hinges to the top and front) are coming from a door that Herbert's sourced. The compost looks so much happier in here.

We also now have a toilet! Kidding (not kidding at all).
So once I'd finished that off, transported the compost to it's new home and taken the old one apart (leaving the pallets for our neighbors Mike and Sally to use as bed edging), I started on a series of fantastic tasks.
Firstly, I started to empty the giant dumpy bag full of roots into rubble sacks in preparation for a run to the dump. I then raised the two other Belfast sinks onto bricks (which is a really stupid thing to do re: catastrophic back pain) and put down a few paving stones.

Once that was done I marked out the shed level line with pegs and string and dashed home to grab a flask of tea before starting bed number 3. I had my little radio with me so I listened to Everton crush the hapless Portsmouth and got about a third done before rain stopped play at 5:30pm.
So another good weekend. Herbert is getting some cracking inside knowledge about spuds and he's bought some little carrot starting kits so we'll be getting those on the go soon. We've pretty much decided what we want to grow and sussed a rough time for planting each. We'll look into the soil types, planting techniques, protecting them against pests, maintaining the weed patrols, investigating crop rotation patterns, gathering materials and manure, listening to people and having a laugh.
Nice eh?

honkjazz - The Allotment! Part 8

2008-03-01T12:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday 22nd February, 2008
This weekend I was joined by two guests, the ever industrious Kazoo and a little pup dog called Ruby. I wasn't really expecting too much work to be done as she has a very limited attention span and is quite mischievous, constantly chewing things, investigating everything, scrounging for food and generally making trouble.
And Ruby can be quite a handful as well.
(hold pose, wait for laugh)
Anyway, I left Haycorn to sleep and took Ruby to the plot where she proceeded to bark at people, dogs, planes, cars, trees, clouds, birds, the wind, rocks, grass, bugs, the sky and everything else, like ever. Here she is having fun as pups will do.

Whilst little dog played I set about finishing off the weeding on the first bed. Every single turn of the fork revealed more and more couch grass. But I have finally accepted that the battle against weeds is a constant one and should not get you down. We'll never hoik them all out so we just have to do what we can now and keep at them in the future. And this need to eradicate every single pest is surely a bit silly. Crops will grow whether there's a few weeds lurking about or not. We've certainly given the vegetables a good start. The dumpy bag full of roots is testament to that. Constant weeding will win out in the end.
I think.

Sniplet joined us in the afternoon and brought sandwiches and drinks before getting stuck in to some graft. Here she is working really hard (on rolling that cigarette).

The weather is treating us well. Apart from a brief spell of showers (which sends several other gardeners scuttling off home, much to my disgruntlement) it's nice and breezy with the odd patch of sunshine. Perfect to blow away the cobwebs. The soil isn't as heavy as I'd first thought and breaks up easily under the fork making the weeding quite easy really. The first bed is soon finished so we move onto the second one that Gavbot started a couple of weeks ago and we've soon filled many a wheelbarrow with evil roots.

It feels great to be getting stuck in like this, slowly shaping the plot, taking our time and planning ahead. I seem to have overcome the initial frenzy of excitement and become a lot more relaxed about things. Take the shed malarky for example. As soon as I saw a couple of them pop up on Freecycle I was desperate to get hold of them and mortified when we failed. Now though, I'm quite happy to bide some time, get the base completely sorted and be patient. We'll get our shed eventually. We'll get our shed when the allotment wants us to. We just have to wait for the right sign. And yes, I have been watching too much 'Lost' recently. I guess I mean that it'll happen when it's good and ready. And that's what gardening is all about isn't it? Relaxing, enjoying the pace of life and taking satisfaction from working the land. And Herbert has a very peaceful yet practical attitude towards these things. He's a really good anchor in this project, constantly seeing things in a clearer light than I, bringing me down to earth and speaking sense. Like Jeff and Larry, Morecambe and Wise, Terry and June, Angie and Den and any other number of duos that comprise of a straight man and a frantic, bumbling idiot (who is more handsome and gets all the best lines), we compliment each other. I predict great things for this partnership. Or a violent struggle ending in a supermarket fire, a fake funeral and a new life under the witness protection act. Whatever. Oh and by the way, that Angie and Den montage blew my mind on so many levels when I first watched it. Just wow!
So this new found calmness is only heightening the experience for me. I can't be doing with racing around, getting stressed about stuff. I'll try to retain a little bit of frantic, bumbling idiocy though. I mean, who wants to see a world with Jeff and Jeff, Wise and Wise, June and June, etc. And the relaxed attitude can be applied to growing things as well. As Herb said the other day, if we even manage to grow one spud this year we can be happy. For two chaps with no prior experience we should be really chuffed with the progress we've made. And I imagine we are.

The day finished with an unsuccessful fire and we headed into the countryside for a good stomp before visiting a few pubs to congratulate ourselves on the work done.

And what a merry time was had by all.

Sunday, 23rd February, 2008
I left Grubling to sleep off the previous nights ale (anyone spotting a theme here?) and headed off with Ruby The Naughty Pup. Our plot neighbor John gave us two lovely radishes, a Black Spanish and a Rat's Tail. The Black Spanish was a bit bigger than a cricket ball! I'm not sure if I like radishes but it certainly had a peppery kick and a really strong aftertaste. There it is in my kitchen. You can gauge the size by comparing it to the lemon in the dish behind it.

Whilst we're on the subject of enormous vegetable based gifts (a sentence you don't get to say often enough), my father's newly discovered cousin Geoff had given dad a present in the form of a parsnip that he'd grown in his garden. I'd be quite keen to ask our Geoff exactly what type of manure he's using to produce things like this!

And no, it's not a tiny, little hammer.

So whilst I toiled away Grublet transformed this monstrous root into a wonderful spicy parsnip soup. Which turned out to be a delicious and hearty meal. It also got me all excited about cooking food using produce that hasn't come from a supermarket shelf. Which is nice.
I finished off the first bed by staking in a timber border and spreading a mulch of well rotted horse muck. This made me so happy - finally we have a space that can be used to grow food. Such a small step but a really important one in terms of confidence. And I think it looks quite sweet. As Herbert will later state, it doesn't look like it's been built by an expert. Funny that. But really, it's just the kind of approach we both love. In his own words, "it reflects the people who've built it - a bit knackered and scruffy but full of charm and good intent" (and sh*t. Zing! You can keep that one, H). It will eventually be home to some wonderful potatoes.

Once she'd finished cooking Dink wandered up to the plot and set about a great bunch of tasks. The soil in the second Belfast sink was weeded and revealed three more raspberry canes which she planted alongside the other six. The chives/spring onions/we're-not-really-quite-sure-what-the-hell-they-are from dad's plot were then put into that sink. Three gooseberry cuttings were planted at the back of bed number 1 and everything got a good watering, garlic and all.
And that was the weekend done. I'm really pleased with the progress. I'll take some pictures of the completed bed and post them next time so you can see why.
And we'll finish with a view from our little island. And this makes me happy as well.

In Other News

2008-02-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

Having just returned from a weekend with the folks I thought I'd let you know what other things have been donated/stolen/built-from-blood-and-steel-and-tears-and-fire/bought so here goes:

- Papa has made some delightful vegetable-name signs to go in the plots. I'm well chuffed with these.
- He's also built a fab old fashioned tool carrying box.
- My darling sister has donated a huge sack of chicken manure.
- My good friend K met me at the stables where she teaches the horse-riding and let me walk away with four giant sacks of super-well-rotted horse manure. This stuff is great!
- Mater & Pater have kindly donated a rosemary bush (which will help protect the carrots) and some chive plants.
- Herbert has scouted out three more bags of hardcore for the shed base.
- My boss is offering up some breeze-blocks, bags of sand and paving slabs.
- Father also gave me a great long-handled three prong "grubber" (which as a child I was fascinated with and, rather sensibly, kept well away from)

I've also picked up the last of my tools from my sisters place and am all ready for some hard graft this weekend. I really want to get the shed base finished so when we get STITCHED UP AGAIN on freecycle we'll be able to gaze longingly at the spot where the shed should be. Seriously, that's four times we've been done out of stuff on freecycle for no apparent reason (two poly-tunnels and two sheds). I don't know what the deal is. I'm over it. Whatever.

I'd also like to thank Griff for the wonderful photographs and all of the hard work. The meandering pathway is perfect and you're welcome anytime. Likewise Lisa Woodmouse. The best friend those worms ever had. Top weeding!

Also, nice to see Herbert's words. Wordberts. Yes, that's what they are. Nice to have the wordberts at long last.

And finally some photographs that didn't make it into the last post. A bit like a blooper reel. And yes, you can read the captions in the style of Dennis Norden on 'It'll Be Alright On The Allotment Site Vol' 18'.

I become a tramp. Like properly.

Gavana Trump tries to levitate a wheelbarrow using only the power of his mind.

Grublet looks like she's contemplating the best way to defeat the Glastonbury security fence. And if the Glastonbury security fence is only that big then either they've misjudged their whole operation or she is a giant. You decide.

Seriously though, you've come onsite, flouted the strict khaki & beige dress-code and worn "boots" like these!!!

Instead of these. I'm probably just jealous.

Man urinates into van (possibly his own). And he was parked like 20ft away from the public toilets as well.

The view from my flat at the end of the day.

Thank you and goodnight.

honkjazz - The Allotment! - Part 7

2008-02-18T01:14:00.001-08:00

(names have been changed to protect the innocent - although photographs will be posted and I'm also quite happy to supply addresses, character descriptions and any other information that may be helpful to prospective hitmen/bounty hunters)

Thought I'd start this post with a heart-warming photograph.

Saturday 9th, February, 2008
I leave Gavbot sleeping off last nights ale and head to Herbert's house. I have a terrible hangover but I'm quite confident that the schlepping of heavy things will knock some sense into me (I am right). Herbert and I pick up some free pallets and bags of hardcore and then drive on into Exeter to grab some large framed windows thus completing our first completely satisfactory freecycle transaction. And there ends Herbert's involvement in this weekends work. I feel sorry for the poor chap because he desperately wants to work on the plot but the back says no. Still, as soon as he's better I'll hand over the fork and trowel and open up a deckchair and a beer (not in that order). Don't worry Herbert, there's plenty of weeds to go around.
By the time I get back to the plot it's mid-day and Gavulon200 meets me there to help schlep the stuff up the hill. Once that's all done we go and eat a delicious bacon roll in town before heading back to work
Che' Gavana gets stuck right in and I'm amazed because I've never seen him wearing Wellington boots before. There are lots of people I've never seen in Wellington boots. Malcolm X, Wendy James from Transvision Vamp, Sir John Gielgud, Dennis Law. The list is endless. (ending list now)

Here he is showing me what it would be like if his beard and moustache turned into living plant roots that flailed about his face as they search the air for signs of moisture.

So as G-Unit put down a little pathway I finished off the fence-post repairs and raked away all of the dead, loose weeds from the plot which showed the contours of the land in a much clearer light. We also lashed together some pallets to make a compost bin. This will later be heavily criticized by Old Bill forcing me to change the design in the wake of his blinding common sense .
I decided to get some beds started so we marked some out, each one about 5ft x 9ft. It was wonderful to finally get stuck in and start pulling out the endless couch-grass roots. I know it's going to be a slog but this was a real mental victory for me, just walking on-site and seeing squares of soil rather than a weed-covered scratch of scrub has lifted my spirits enormously. We also raised one of the sinks and planted the garlic (the first thing in!!!).

Our days work done we collected Little Snip from the train station and then went and had a lovely load of ale and some pub foods.

Sunday 17th February, 2008
I leave Gunter and Heycorn to sleep off the previous nights ale and make an early start tidying up the plot and chatting to Old Bill. He points out the design flaw in the compost bin (compost will catch onto the horizontal slats reducing the rotting-downyness apparently) and I can see his logic.

He makes up for being a smartypants by offering us some thick wire to lash the pallets together in place of our temporary string arrangment and it's gladly accepted (I will find this wire placed on the top of the compost heap the next time I visit, bless him).
By the time Griffnock and Kazoo join me I'm just about to take a lovely cup of tea. And it's made 1000% better by the bacon sandwich that they bring for me. Aces!
We get stuck into the weeds with great gusto and everyone has a wonderful time. Here is Little Dipper with a wondrous beastie.

Weeding and digging and digging and weeding. Here I am either pointing out something really interesting or screaming at Cockleshell because she's not working hard enough.

The last job I did was to plant the six raspberry canes and put a picket fence around them. I think it looks lovely with the little broken-brick wall that I did make in the morning behind it .

We were also given some potted gooseberry plants by Bob & John. We hadn't planned to grow any fruit but I'm quite pleased about it now. I think it will be a lovely addition.
So loads of jobs got done, we had some pub action, watched 'Grow Your Own' (G's verdict - Doin' The Schmaltz Waltz!) and had a lovely time out of doors.

What more can you wish for?

honkjazz - The Allotment! - Part 6

2008-02-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

Well Brazil ole buddy ole pal you've made a hell of a start in this here blog. Here's to the Honkjazz Musical Allotment. hurrah!!!

In a land far far away from the allotment (about 10 miles actually) I can confirm that the the Limes Court scavenger hunt is well under way. We have secured the following:

- Large bag of gravel

- One door with no glass

- One door with glass

- Some bricks

- Some wood (when they decide what they want and what they want to try and re use)

You see I (Herbert) live next door to a renevation project with my better (only slightly) other half. Well that is to be quite liberal with the truth (it's been the same for years) ("I love the way that the bit about it being like that for years could either apply to the building site next door or to your other half being better than you." - BB). However this has proven in the last few days to be a blessing following a nice chat on Friday that revealed there is a lot of worthy material that is going to the first person clever enough (stupid?) to take it away.

There are definite benefits to this situation not withstanding the banging from next door which is giving me a serious headache. 1) There is going to be a lot of this material 2) We've got ages to move it!

On a different note i do have some input regarding the following:

Freecycle - Some nice people (a whole lot of shitbull from others)

Old Bill - I've only spoken to him once but it made me put down the shovel and pick up a fork

Friends getting involved - FANTASTIC AND NO MISTAKE!

As indicated my involvement at base camp honkjazz has been limited due to a mystery illness that doctors around the world are defying scientific boundaries to understand (a bad back) so i'm doing my level best to offer any support from afar.

Well BB i look forward to the new photos. I'm off to look at some bits of wood i can't lift.

honkjazz - The Allotment! - Part 5

2008-02-11T06:51:00.000-08:00

Loads and loads and loads to tell. Including:

- freecycle kicks us in the ass again!
- Old Bill tells me that everything I've ever done ever is wrong!
- More free gifts from our lovely neighbors!
- Wonderful friends surprise with enthusiastic display of manual labor!
- Bonfires are still great!
- Things are put into the ground that might end up tasty!
- Heavy things are schlepped!
- I make friends with a mushroom-headed hippy!

Just waiting for the photies to be sent over by the wonderful gardener and documentalist Gavin.
I just bet you can't wait? Right?
Cheers
BB

honkjazz - The Allotment! Part 4

2008-02-06T02:16:00.000-08:00

Horse-crap, Movies and No-Good Do-Gooders.

Picked up eight bags of horse manure and made a good friend and helpful ally this morning. After finding this link (scroll down a bit and see the list of locations on the right) on this website I discovered a stable yard just a couple of miles away from the honkjazz Garden Of Delights (Tm). So I called them up and spoke to the very lovely Wendy who invited me to wander down and help myself. I will admit to being a tad disappointed by the freshness of the manure on offer (1 week old perhaps?) but still, it's free and it'll make the start of a beautiful compost heap that will be ripe for the beds next year so I can't complain.
Never look a gift horses arse in the mouth? No. That's wrong. Never look a gift-horse in the ass? Never gift a horses ass a mouth?
What the hell is a gift-horse anyway?

(Wanted a photo of a horse doing a poo but I couldn't find one. And folks, if you're going to do a google image search on "sh*tting horse" please, please, please make sure your google safety filters are set to MAXIMUM! Don't say I didn't tell you......)

Acting on a hunch I asked Wendy if she knew anyone who was interested in puzzle magazines, especially Sudoku puzzles.
"Well, yes. Me.", she replied with caution.
"In that case, Wendy my love, it's your lucky day!"
With a twinkle in my eye and a swagger to my step I produced a box of the puzzle magazines that my employers publish.

"Ere' you go darlin, 'ave these for yerself.", I said, all traces of
west country burr dropping from my accent quicker than me plates of meat'll carry me down the rub a dub for a pint of Nelson *. My son. etc.
(note - have you ever tried to swagger whilst wearing boots caked in horse crap? Not easy, my friend, not easy at all.)

* Nelson Mandela - Stella (I know, it's astonishing, isn't it?)

They were only old back issues but I'd packed them on a hunch which proved to be correct. As Wendy's eyes lit up she promised to call the farmer who takes the bulk of their horse manure away and said there'd be no problem in helping myself to the really stanky stuff from his mountainous dung-heap.
Result. That'll go straight into the potato beds we dig out this weekend.
Talking of this weekend, we'll be having our first guests to the plot. Some friends are coming down from Bristol to stay despite the repeated warnings of manual labor. And on Sunday even more friends are coming over to lend a hand and deliver some more well rotted horse muck so we're expecting a good amount of progress to be made.
Which is nice.

What the hell is up with Freecycle? I understand the concept, agree completely with its "one man's rubbish is another man's treasure" ethos and participate eagerly in the whole process. But am I missing something here? Twice now have we been gazumped on Freecycle.
The first time was over a poly-tunnel. It was only a 20 minute drive away and we thought that it would make an excellent addition to the site. Emails were traded with the owner who I shall name and shame as the asshat PAUL SHARMAN OF KILLERTON and he even gave us his address to collect from. Then an email is received saying "sorry the poly-tunnel is taken". What? What? I wrote back to say "Woah there, I thought we had a deal, we're all set to collect in a couple of days. What's happened?" and he replied by saying "I'm freecycling it, not selling it. I can give the tunnel to whoever (sic) I want!". He even rubbed salt into the wound by sending another e-mail that simply stated "I said yes to a lady from Lympstone" which I think sounds like the start of a dirty limerick.
The second time was over a shed and you can imagine how keen Herbert and I were to get that. After e-mailing the woman and saying "yes please, let me know when we can come and see it" I received a mail two days later saying "sorry the shed has been taken". Yes, BY US!!!!!

So what exactly is happening here? Are we going about this the wrong way? Or are we just dealing with meanies who like to show that they are The Boss (The Asshat) and no-one else can tell them what to do? I feel a little bit strange having a go at people who have the good grace to use freecycle anyway but at the end of the day it's just not cricket.

Movie About Allotments Review 1 - 'Grow Your Own'
(I'd imagine there won't be too many other films that make this list. Just saying, like.)

Released: 2007
Director: Richard Laxton
Writers: Frank Cottrell Boyce & Carl Hunter
Starring: Benedict Wong, Philip Jackson, Eddie Marsan, Diveen Henry

Set on an allotment site in Liverpool, Grow Your Own follows the fate of a group of immigrants who are granted allotments on the Blacktree Road plot as a way of helping them deal with the mental scars of war, separation and exile. Sounds like a right barrel of laughs.
Well actually it is.

The main story follows Kung Sang (Benedict Wong, right) as he tries to recover from the terrible trauma of his family's exile from China. His two young children bravely shoulder the burden of the allotment and their everyday lives as their catatonic father stumbles on in silent apathy. Slowly, the process of working the land and the relationships he builds with some of the other plot-holders start to take effect.
The quirks and foibles of the British character are brought to life by a brilliant set of actors and the stereotypes so common amongst the allotments, womens institute meetings and lawn bowls societies are poked and prodded with loving respect. The cast is a showcase of stellar British acting talent. Nearly all of them are "oh, it's that bloke, you know the one, what's his name? He was in that thing, oh, you know..." and include Omid Djalili, Olivia Coleman and Roland Manookian. No idea? Image search their names and you'll see what I mean.

They are a beautiful collection of British oddballs, from the belligerent Kenny (Alan Williams, far left with Pearce Quigley and John Henshaw), a grumpy maverick who refuses to bow down to the letter of the allotment law imposed by site chairman Big John (Philip Jackson), a retired copper who tries to enforce the tightest of regimes in an attempt to oust the "influx" with red-tape and regulation, to the chairman's brow-beaten son Little John (Eddie Marsan, below) and his endearing attempts to woo
Miriam (Diveen Henry), a Zimbabwean single mother.

All of these sub-plots make a wonderful background to the main storyline and provide just enough of a glimpse into the character's lives to keep you interested. The heavyweight issues of eco-culture, immigration (and the old school British attitudes that greet it), mourning and mental trauma are filtered through the setting of the allotment beautifully and the film never seems to preach at the audience, rather letting the human relationships that form between the most unlikely of friends pass on the message. Admittedly the story-lines are fairly obvious from the start but they still manage to amuse and entice as the community aspect of the allotment draws you in and makes you care.

Visually the set is stunning and looks so natural and lived in that I couldn't believe it was anything but a real allotment (make sure to watch the DVD bonus documentary charting it's creation). The cinematography is simple and effective, showing the nooks and corners of the gardens that are such a creative and important part of allotment culture.
Some critics have spoken against the slow pace, especially concerning Wong's almost silent turn but I think that the various story-lines and character arcs keep the whole film balanced beautifully and Wong portrays his character with a frailty and depth that amazes. Some of his scenes with the other gardeners are just brilliant and I really never thought that the sight of two men painting a shed could bring a tear to my eye.
Hardcore allotmenteers may be disappointed by the lack of gardening knowledge displayed here but then there are plenty of television programs for that sort of thing, right?
Overall, this film has charm, comedy, romance and drama. All are dealt with in a way that brings a lot of smiles to the face and reinforces the British film industry's ability to present the quirks and follies of this strange country in a touching and interesting way.
Top marks/best in show.

'Grow You Own' can be bought here and you'll find a lovely little official website here.
Cheers
Brazil Banks

honkjazz The Allotment! Part 3

2008-02-04T04:03:00.001-08:00

Friday 1st February, 2008
Today is my day off. The time is 8:20am. The weather is freezing cold, damp and depressing. Where should I be?

a) In bed, buried under duvet and quilt, protected against the elements and dreaming lovely dreams as I catch up on some well needed rest.
b) Stood on our allotment trying to get a bonfire going out of old German sudoku magazines, dead couch grass and 2004/2005 Chelsea FC commemorative Premiership title winner posters.

I think we all know the answer to that one.
It's bed, alright? I should be in bed.
So I'm cursing at the incinerator, cursing at the morning damp and, most importantly, I'm cursing at Frank Lampard's stupid face (and seriously, I can't even think of a better use for two boxes of Chelsea posters).
8:30am, I ask you!
Sadly I didn't have a camera with me to record this exciting event but it looked something like this...

Yeah, and then I was all like.........

Yeah, and then these fire chicks came along and were all dancing around and twirling fire sticks and we had an awesome fire party.

I think we're probably dating now so pretty soon we'll be hanging out and going bowling and stuff.

All of the above did actually happen (didn't happen at all).

It was probably a bit more like this.

OK - Worst. Post. Ever.
So I had a bonfire and then Herbert wandered up at about 10am. After staring at the fire and prodding it with sticks and that we drove down to Totnes to pick up some hardcore/rubble from a Freecycler. Sadly it turned out to be several bin-bags full of mostly rubbish with the odd bag of bricks in the mix (hee!). So we basically acted as free bin-men. As I schlepped breeze blocks, bricks and bags of breeze-blocks and bricks back and forth in the freezing wind and sleet, Herbert had to stand around and make excruciating small talk with the lady because he can't do much lifting at the moment. They talked about all sorts of fascinating things from her guinea pigs to her children to their patio and I don't even know what the hell else! I was too busy schlepping the muddy rubble around in the bloody freezing cold rain!.

So my question for you is this - who had the worse deal?

And that was that. We'll be back there this weekend to construct some compost bins, finish off the fence repairs, spread some rubble onto the shed base and mark out the plots.
And if there are any saucy fire chicks (not too saucy) that want to help out with the next bonfire you can contact us through the myspace page. I'd imagine it will be on Sunday so you can just, like, let us know if you need any special fire-dance stuff like mats or buckets of water or anything and that'll be cool. And awesome.
Thank you.
Brazil Banks

honkjazz The Allotment! Part 2

2008-01-31T07:59:00.000-08:00

Sunday 27th January, 2008. Today I popped down to the plot to carry on with the fence mission. Herbert joined me a little later and we cleared more weeds from the borders, established an entrance, ripped up some more of the dead couch grass and put some more fence-posts in. Sadly our neighbors on two sides don't care much for their fences and, as you can see from the photograph, there are whole sections that have collapsed and not been fixed on one side and we've been fixing the ones on the other side as they're meshed into ours. Interesting concept - breaking down barriers with our neighbors by putting up barriers between us and our neighbors. What an awkward sentence that is.

To finish the day off I cleared an area for the shed base. This we intend to cover with rubble and sand and then put paving slabs on top. I'm quite enjoying this part of the project at the moment - designating areas of the plot for different things. Shed in bottom left corner, composting area in the bottom right corner, herb garden in the top right corner, etc. It's good because as it starts to take shape in the mind's eye the work doesn't seem so impossible. You can break it down into departments and this makes it easier to imagine and organise. And gives a good excuse for planning meetings in the pub. I love planning meetings in the pub. There is surely no better pint of ale to be had than the one after a hard days work on an allotment.
Anyway, as I write this I've just blagged some more timber so I thought it would be helpful to keep a record of how much we spend and what we manage to steptoe (as it shall be known from this day forth!).

Bought
2 Belfast sinks (local small ads) = £10
30 small paving slabs (recycling centre) = £10
Tools (2 forks, pick-axe, sledgehammer
and shears - recycling centre) = £12
Water Butt and base (recycling centre) = £10
Gardening knife and U nails (garden centre) = £9
Wetstone (local DIY shop) = £2.50
Netting (ebay) = £4
Thermos flask (local DIY shop) = £5

Total = £62.50

Steptoed
8 metres of picket fence
Small stakes
15 sharpened fence posts
Bulk load of mixed timber
Incinerator bin
Cable drum
2 doors (to be turned into compost bin)
Another bulk load of mixed timber
Hardcore/rubble (freecycle)
Some framed windows which will become some sort of cloche (free cycle)
(coming soon - paving slabs, breeze bloocks and sand)

So as I left on the Sunday evening you could actually see the edges of the plot and we've made a start on a shed base. The next set of jobs are going to be finishing off the fence posts, laying the hardcore on the shed plot and building some compost bins. I need to get onto my horse manure supply and I think I have two potential suppliers of chicken poo which I understand to be the most beneficial to allotments. So the sooner we can get those compost bins together the better. We also have a connection at a big seed company so that should save us a few quid.

Anyway, enough about money. I suppose we had better get our DIY heads on.
Take of yourselves. And each other.

honkjazz - The Allotment! Part 1

2008-01-31T01:47:00.001-08:00

On Saturday 26th January, 2008 Herbert and I set foot on our allotment for the first time ever. We were very happy and excited. We were also completely flummoxed as to how we should go about fixing it. Because it needs fixing. As you can see from this photo, it's covered in couch grass and various large shrubs and plants have set up camp. There's also a lot of carpet and other rubbish left over. So throughout our first day we whistle through our teeth a lot, throw all of the rubbish into the back of my car and get down to the recycling centre. The queues there make us cheat a bit and walk the moss-heavy carpets from the recycling shop car-park, past all of the waiting cars and over to the tip bit. Got some filthy looks but I think they were just jealous because they didn't think of such a crafty idea.
Herbert eats a hamburger with mustard and onions from the chuck-wagon and says it's well nice.
Then we pop into the recycling centre and buy some tools. We get a pickaxe, two forks, a sledgehammer and some shears for £12. We dillydally over a water butt (which is a very silly thing to say) and decide to leave it. I buy a Hohner Hip II electric piano which is in pieces for £10. I can't resist a lonely toy.

After removing all of the rubbish we start wandering around aimlessly, pulling up the dead, yellow couch grass and digging up the shrubs. There's so much to tackle that it's hard to know where to start. Eventually we decide to concentrate on the boundaries so as I clear the weeds away from the small fences, Herbert re-stakes them back into the ground. A few cups of tea and some sandwiches later we feel pretty pleased with our work.

Look, there I am, working and feeling pretty pleased about it!

The plot will face the elements as the wind and rain come sweeping down from Dartmoor which is a few miles to the North of us. The heavy clay soil will hold onto the couch grass roots for dear life. The local rabbits will feast upon our produce. Our backs are already bad. We have no shed. We have no money. We have no experience.

Let the battle commence.

Schooling

2008-01-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

Thing I found out today. That singer Doris Troy who does the brilliant reggae-funk blaster 'Stretchin Out' that's on the song-link sidebar over there (no, not over there, over there, down a bit, there) was one of the backing singers on 'Dark Side Of The Moon' by Pink Floyd (who could be ace).
Cheers
Brazil

ps - I am fully aware that there may be more than one Doris Troy in the world it's just that I don't know any so I figured that's about that. Feel free to educate me and the nation (Herbert).

pps - I neglected to tell you why a dead horse was delivered to the kitchen of the recording studio I visited this afternoon. Never mind, these things can wait.
Those Cornish though, blimus!

Welcome One and (hopefully) All. Otherwise it's probably just Herbert. Hello Herbert.

2008-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone (Herbert).
This is our blog. We intend to use it to talk about and promote music that we like. Songs, albums, gigs, clubs, festivals and the rest of it. Hopefully you'll like the music that we're talking about. You can listen to some of it via the song-link bar or the mix-link bar. Please feel free to let us know what you think. You can be as much a part of this as you want to be. And please read the disclaimer, it IS important.
So who are we? Two young men who live in Devon and like to play records. That's about all that's relevant for now. If you really, really want to know more about us I suppose I could elaborate. I proudly (not very) present the first in a limited list of Things That Herbert & Brazil Have In Common!
1) We both wear glasses.
2) We both have larger-than-average noses (sorry if this is news to you H).
3) Our real names (I know, shock isn't it) share the same initials.

Don't you feel like you know us so much better now?
Happy listening.
Brazil Banks

Word (s)

2008-01-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

blah blah blah we are ace blah blee bloo listen to this etc etc etc this is well good blah blah blah you should probably buy this record etc etc techsteperah (like some Thundercats baddy) etc blah